My Chaotic Night.. · The Delusional Recovery Group

My Chaotic Night..

I still need to type out a post about what transpired on Tuesday night but that will have to wait due to the fact that I got hit hard with my MRI results… so I got a call pertaining to my results at 3:24 yesterday.

I have officially been diagnosed with multilevel degenerative disease at 27 years old. It’s not very common for someone at my age to have this condition. It’s mild but it will change everything for me… And it’s truly overwhelming. So I instantly called my avoidant ex. We spent months together so he was fully aware that there was something wrong with my neck and spine. We both knew something wasn’t right; I’m in pain every day. No matter what. So he was the first person I thought of telling the news.

I needed comfort. I felt alone and just overwhelmed with emotions. Finding out that I was right. Finding out that I wasn’t crazy and could feel my body just screaming on the inside. That my intuition was right… so I asked him to come over. Mind you; he told me he contemplated and thought hard about calling me back, and even coming over, but he still did. And honestly, our night wasn’t horrible. We actually spent quality time together and had fun which isn’t normally the case. We usually ran errands together or went out to eat but never did something together; we played Mario kart and watched a show… But it was due to the fact that I was emotional over my results.

Our relationship is just in limbo and done for the time being. He wants space and to be alone and so I have to respect that. But deep down Ik he cares; that he is scared, numb, and hurt from everything that has happened between us and even in his past. So I have to respect that. I just know deep down he knows what he had in front of him. He knows that I was loyal, honest, loving, truthful, cared, respected and loved him unconditionally but until he finds himself and heals; there’s nothing more I can say or do to help him. Even though I’m hurting in all aspects; like absolutely no joke about it…. I’ve done everything I can to show him who truly and genuinely cared about him. And I won’t be waiting either, which he fully knows that. I’m just so hurt, so sad, so lost in all of the news/what has transpired and I don’t know how to feel about it.

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