Introduction Post: Beware it’s a long one · The Delusional Recovery Group

Introduction Post: Beware it’s a long one

Hello! 👋 My name is Sydney, I am a 27 year old single mom to a 6 year old daughter. I started my healing journey in 2021 after my daughter’s narcissistic father and I ended it (badly). I have overcame a lot, grown and became stronger than I ever have been. I removed 99% of my family and friends due to protecting my peace, happiness, and overall growth.

Fast forward to now; I am currently into one month since the breakup of my most recent avoidant ex of 5.5 months. I spent so much time investing into our relationship that I truly began to spiral. I am a small business owner; I currently clean for residential properties. The goal is to hit commercial properties in the future. So as someone that cleans for a living… I expect cleanliness in my home and relationships. This relationship was draining. I cleaned every room on the first floor of his house thinking that maybe he’d follow my lead in running a household; especially with my daughter being included. I even took the time to help clean his chaotic garage. I also mowed his whole yard more than once without asking. That’s just the kind of woman I am… I love to help others and make an impact.

And with everything that I did…. From organizing, washing, drying, folding, putting the laundry away and even more; I became the mother, therapist, and maid. The All-In-One Combo; I’d call myself. I could barely get him to open up. From arguing, to blocking me from leaving the room, disrespectful comments, the shut downs, the grown man tantrums (crying and anger) came out each time I tried to leave the relationship. I felt sorry for hurting him with me ending it each time; coming back every single time. I know my worth. I know what I deserve but I still have sympathy and empathy because I know what it’s like to hurt on the inside. I thought that if he experienced my kind of light that maybe it would spark something in him but it honestly drained the life out of me. From stress eating to losing chunks of hair, hormonal acne to crying continuously and even having horrible sleep patterns. I felt so alone even when we were together or while he was passed out next to me in bed.

I tried my hardest but no matter what I did… He just couldn’t see the truth. That he needed therapy, and to work through the 23 years of built up trauma and pain. He is the kind of man that is quiet and keeps to himself. Emotionless. He truly brought the worst version of me out and it’s taken so much time to become the woman I am before we got together (we also knew each other from my hometown when we went to school together from 8th grade to our sophomore year). Besides all that; I had a really hard time connecting with his family and they’re honestly not healed as well which caused issues between him and I. I have also been in a nasty custody battle (4 years) for family court with my daughters father so that also didn’t help either. In all reality; this is one of the hardest relationships/break ups and I love him with my whole heart but it is hurting so much. I wish that he knew what he was losing but I truly know I deserve better. And he couldn’t even give me the bare minimum.

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