Hey VIPs, here's the agenda for our next workshop (this evening), let me know if there's anything you want to add Mental barriers - how to overcome... - Responses don’t come to you quickly / need time to process - Fall into the defensiveness trap without realising - Start cool, but gradually escalate - Background stress makes you sensitive - Think "If I don’t address this now, bigger problems later" (reputation, precedence, expectations) - Rumination (your response bothers you long afterwards) - Attached to accuracy / need to correct their “truth” / teach them a lesson - Caring too much what they think Practical tips - Non defensive (unreactive) vs defensive (try to convince them) - Assertive (enforce boundaries) vs aggressive (controlling) - The pause - Stare down - Cold shoulder, - Change topic - “Oh you!” - Agree that THEY believe it - Yup - Double down - Ask them to repeat it - Curious about motives - Confusion about their morality - Advanced tricks

Hi all, I've been a member of this group for some time now and when I became a member, I had no idea about my autism. I've recently been diagnosed. Now, most of the things Dan posts here I find totally logical I can totally comprehend the concept, but something is holding me back to execute the behaviour properly. I mean, I've improved somewhat. I notice I can be in serious conversations with my girlfriend now, about stuff she isn't happy about in my behaviour, and I can last longer before I shut down or get angry and stop listening. What I have learned so far about autism is that most people have a totally over-reactive nervous system. People tend to feel overwhelmed and or anxious without interactions with others...As soon as a perceived criticism is felt, this may well lead a meltdown or shutdown. So... My question here is, perhaps more to those who identify as autistic or neurodivergent in a different way, do you think steering away from nice guy behaviour is genuinely more difficult, compared to neurotypical people?

Hey guys Firstly, my deepest appreciation to all of you for being part of the group, especially those who interact on the feed and bring some ideas and life into the discussions. I have analytics on Skool that show me many of you are "lurking" - I can see that people read posts and visit the group, occasionally comment (usually when I'm doing some sort of free giveaway), but otherwise don't really post or support others with comments. I want to know what I can do to improve that. I want this to be a place where you feel encouraged and safe to participate actively, help others and share your experience along the way. I've tried a few things already, like 30 day challenges and polls and giveaways, but most of you remain silent. I know one sure-fire way is to make this group paid-only (remove the free membership tier). This is a last resort for me, but I'm running out of ideas. If you want this group to remain free, comment below (or DM me privately if you're not ready to be seen publicly) and let me know what I can do to increase your active participation. Let's build this thing together and have everyone giving in to the group. Cheers Dan

Last night the Brotherhood lads had a discussion on non-defensiveness, how it differs from assertiveness and why it can be more effective in various situations. We shared personal experiences, and looked at how this approach can work in different contexts, from personal relationships to professional settings. We explored: - Non-Defensiveness and Its Benefits - why it's better to NOT defend yourself - Understanding Defensiveness in Communication - how it looks and sounds when we get defensive - Defensive Emotions and Triggers - what feelings trigger us and what that tells us - Challenging Client Management Strategy - how non-defensive applied to managing the most difficult man I've ever met - Non-Defensiveness Discussion and Strategies - hot to play with this in real life conflicts Excellent conversation, and we'll probably do a follow-up to explore the technical how-to aspects in more detail. >> Click here for the recording and chat notes If you're not yet a VIP Brotherhood member, you can access the free 7 day trial to view the recording Cheers Dan

Wassup, If you find yourself often hesitating before you make a decision or take an action, not because you don’t know what to do exactly, but you’re worried about how other people might react, or you feel like you need some sort of signal from the outside world before you can move forward, then you don’t want to miss today’s episode. Today, we’re going to explore why Nice Guys and People Pleasers often freeze and end up following the lead of others instead of making decisions for themselves. If you find yourself having to check with others before you move forward on a decision, or you procrastinate on something simple because you just weren’t sure how it was going to land with other people, this is for you. Do you often ask for advice rather than feedback? Like you ask for people’s advice on the idea you haven’t acted on, rather than feedback on the idea you have already started. Basically, you’re afraid of going first. You’re afraid of initiating, taking an action that doesn’t come with some sort of signal of approval and validation before you do it. This is something that I’ve called Green Light Syndrome. Maybe you’re hesitant to initiate sex, not because you don’t want to, but you’re scared that she might reject you. Maybe you’re hesitant to go for the promotion, not because you don’t want the job, but because nobody said that you were right for the role, and nobody said you should apply for it. When it comes to dinner, you might know what you want to eat, but you frame it as a question, like, what do you guys want to eat? You can’t just put the idea out there and take the risk that other people would disagree. Confident men don’t do this. They make the decision and THEN they deal with the consequences. You’re trying to deal with the consequences before making the decision. By the end of this episode, hopefully you’ll understand why it is you’ve got that vague sense of waiting for approval before you can take action and make a decision, and how to transition into someone who can go forward and take that risk and lead with initiative and know what they really want.