Been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to reach out to other men when you know they’re struggling. Not in some dramatic way either. Just the guys that are quieter lately. Pulling away. Angry all the time. Burying themselves in work. You can feel somethings off but most of us have no clue how to approach it without making it awkward as hell. Because truthfully, most men don’t want to hear: “Hey man, come join this men’s group where we talk about our feelings.” There’s got to be a better way to build connection and help guys find community without it sounding forced or weird. That’s what I want to talk about on Saturday. How do we actually reach other men before they completely disappear into themselves?

What is it that you want? How will you get to the what you want? None of us are defined by what our job titles are or salaries. What do you want? What passions will you choose to lead you there? It’s a choice.

Today I reached out to an extended family member about a situation of great concern. I’m hoping he’ll consider joining us here on the Saturday calls. It’s really sad that groups like this are so needed. However… It’s even better that men like you are taking time each week to come together to support the community need. Let’s go!

https://open.substack.com/pub/neurosciencewellness/p/the-neuroscience-of-being-unapologetically?r=8acb68&utm_medium=ios

Men are carrying a load that's unnecessary. We tend to hold ourselves to an unfair standard. It may be arbitrary or simply it's just too far ahead. We set goals Stay busy the old way Think we aren't making progress And then summarize that we can't So we don't How fair is that? What the heck were we thinking? We change nothing and expect everything. If it repeats it's not a problem - it's a pattern. We all know the word Accountability. Truth is - it's not even a choice whether we will become accountable. We get the results, but results vary. For me there came a time 2 years ago when I had to decide if I was going to change my actions. Because of drinking I'm now heavier than I want to be because it's the outcome of the decisions I have made along the way that put me here 30 pounds heavier due to my actions. These (grabbing my gut) are FAT POUNDS. But I wanted MUSCLE POUNDS. I always wanted to weigh 180 pounds. Wouldn't you know it, I made it. I just didn't get the results that I desired. My focus was not in the right place. I took the wrong action daily. ACTION - THE ACCOUNTING I drank more beer I drank it more frequent I began to like the social me I found beer friends I risked everything for this life RESULT - THE ACCOUNT I went through tired phases I got more tired and then it was perma-tired This social me was causing me to make bad choices Those friends were the wrong ones I had a few near misses with disaster It helped me grow larger (in the wrong way) Physically I became lazier too We are accountable now, like it or not. But are we making moves? Are we clearing space in our day to allow room to insert the new thing. We must take steps on the things now that work us toward our goals. Matt mentioned on the call this week, the importance of not looking at outcomes. He's right, we need to be acting instead of postulating. Yes, planning is part but action is everything. This is all just a matter of what we are doing today. Accountability is quite positive. We tend to view accountability as a policing measure. Someone must be held accountable!!!! Yeah, in the actions - not the results. If we're just looking back - that's not accountability. That's just reviewing RESULTS of all the actions that were taken in which got us to the problem. It's not motivating, it's not positive. By it's own nature -- it's actually very negative. That's ok - negative is good in it's rightful place. It belongs on the review board. It doesn't belong on the planning board - most definitely NOT on the daily motivation board. We can't just keep reminding ourselves of failure and think we are going to improve. What are we doing? We're actually playing the wrong game! And this game sucks.