If you're struggling to find the right relationship or are on the edge of giving up hope, then this story of how penguins pick their partner is going to give you hope to hang in there… The Antarctica is full of endless white ice and rocks. They all look the same. Yet penguins see it differently. When a penguin searches for their true love, it's no casual choice. They embark on a quest to search for the perfect pebble. They waddle for miles among thousands of stones, spending days and weeks searching for the right pebble. Not any will do. It has to be the right size, shape, and smoothness to present to their chosen one. All stones might look the same to us, yet the penguin sees uniqueness in everyone. This small gesture is a symbol of their commitment that they never break, and it's a reminder that the most meaningful things in life often require patience, dedication, and the willingness to keep searching because the right stone is waiting for you too.

(My new Relationship You Deserve live training is TODAY… register below!) Don’t be alarmed… But traditional therapy could be making your relationship WORSE. I know that might sound harsh. And look, I'm not saying ALL therapy is bad... But after helping hundreds of couples transform their relationships... I've noticed a disturbing pattern. Most people spend YEARS in therapy, talking about the same problems over and over... Only to end up more frustrated and confused than when they started. Here's why... Talking about your problems without having the right frameworks to FIX them… is like trying to build a house without any tools. You might understand WHY the house needs fixing... But you still don't know HOW to actually fix it. And that's exactly what happens in most therapy sessions. You vent. You talk about your feelings. Maybe even gain some "insights"... But nothing actually CHANGES. The same arguments keep happening. The same patterns keep repeating. And you're still walking on eggshells around each other. Want to know the really messed up part? Many therapists actually TAKE SIDES in your relationship... (Which is a HUGE red flag that they don't know what they're doing.) Or worse... They insist that BOTH partners need to attend the sessions. Which is completely backwards. Because here's what nobody tells you... It only takes ONE person to transform a relationship. Think of it like a dance between two people... When one person learns new steps... The other person HAS to adjust their movement. The entire rhythm shifts. New possibilities emerge. The old toxic patterns literally CANNOT continue when just one person changes their approach. But most therapists don't understand this. They're stuck using outdated methods that barely scratch the surface. They don't understand attachment styles... Or how to actually FIX old patterns... Or how to help you communicate your needs in a way your partner will actually HEAR. That's why I developed a completely different approach called Trauma Transformational Coaching (TTC).

People often talk about “working on a relationship” like it’s a renovation project… A list of repairs or a set of things to fix. I think that that language sets the wrong tone. If a relationship feels like constant “work” then something about the way you’re approaching it is off. I mean who really likes “working”, right? So if you’re “working” on your relationship, how much fun is that going to be? You can’t treat your relationship like a to-do list! When the focus is only on “working of your relationship”, the result is usually one of two things… Either you (or your partner) start policing everything that’s imperfect... Or The important, human parts get reduced to tasks and lists. And where’s the connection in that? Here’s a different approach… Instead of “working”… Just bring your best! That’s it. Bring your best. Now, “bringing your best” is not a directive to become perfect or to fix your partner. It’s an invitation to show up with clarity, curiosity, and care. When both people show up that way, small irritations don’t become battlegrounds and conversations stay compassionate instead of corrosive. Don’t worry, it’s not all on you, it’s on both of you. But it does start with you! Take responsibility. Contribute to the core essence of the relationship… The tone of conversations… How conflicts are handled… How gratitude is expressed… And the systems you create to stay connected. If you don’t bring your best, then what usually happens is someone or something gets picked apart. Stop trying to fix a thing and be present. Relationships aren’t projects to be finished; they’re practices we return to. Bring your best, not perfect, not fixed, just willing. That’s where connection lives. And that’s how relationships stop being “work” and start being life you both enjoy.

Here’s a gentle, uncomfortable consideration to sit with… How much of your relationship is really about you? Your needs. Your view. Your comfort. And how often do you truly see your partner? It’s normal to default to our own perspective and only see our own point of view. But sometimes we can get so caught up in our own perspective that we don’t really see our partner’s. And when that becomes habit… …it quietly erodes connection. Working through that and getting to a place where you understand that you've been more selfish is a crucial part of any relationship. It's hard for all of us to acknowledge that, to take on that less attractive part of ourselves. But ultimately, it's where your relationship will flourish. If you want something practical steps to help, try pausing before you make choices that affect both of you and actually ask. Practice reflecting back what your partner says before responding. And if you find yourself realizing you’ve put yourself first… Name it. Apologize for it. And take reparative action. These aren’t dramatic fixes; they’re just steady habits you can use to rebuild connection.

Most people never say it out loud, not even to their closest friends, because admitting it feels like failure. Failure in the eyes of others. Failure in the story you told yourself. I see so many people in relationships where the spark is gone, but instead of doing anything about it, they just keep going through the motions. And why? Because they’ve been taught that silence proves strength. And because they think that if they talk about it with someone that could help, then the feelings they’d have to explore would be worse than the loneliness. But here’s what’s real… Silence doesn’t fix anything. It strips you down. The truth people rarely admit is that unhappiness can start to feel normal, and once it feels normal, it becomes dangerous. Because connection can survive conflict, but it cannot survive indifference. But unhappiness doesn’t have to be permanent. What breaks people isn’t the fights, it’s the silence. What destroys love isn’t struggle, it’s pretending everything is fine. When the truth is spoken… Without blame… Without hiding… There’s a chance to rebuild. There’s a chance to reset. There’s a chance to remember why you chose each other in the first place. So the question isn’t, is your relationship perfect? It’s, are you willing to be honest enough and get the help you need to bring it back to life?