People often talk about “working on a relationship” like it’s a renovation project… A list of repairs or a set of things to fix. I think that that language sets the wrong tone. If a relationship feels like constant “work” then something about the way you’re approaching it is off. I mean who really likes “working”, right? So if you’re “working” on your relationship, how much fun is that going to be? You can’t treat your relationship like a to-do list! When the focus is only on “working of your relationship”, the result is usually one of two things… Either you (or your partner) start policing everything that’s imperfect... Or The important, human parts get reduced to tasks and lists. And where’s the connection in that? Here’s a different approach… Instead of “working”… Just bring your best! That’s it. Bring your best. Now, “bringing your best” is not a directive to become perfect or to fix your partner. It’s an invitation to show up with clarity, curiosity, and care. When both people show up that way, small irritations don’t become battlegrounds and conversations stay compassionate instead of corrosive. Don’t worry, it’s not all on you, it’s on both of you. But it does start with you! Take responsibility. Contribute to the core essence of the relationship… The tone of conversations… How conflicts are handled… How gratitude is expressed… And the systems you create to stay connected. If you don’t bring your best, then what usually happens is someone or something gets picked apart. Stop trying to fix a thing and be present. Relationships aren’t projects to be finished; they’re practices we return to. Bring your best, not perfect, not fixed, just willing. That’s where connection lives. And that’s how relationships stop being “work” and start being life you both enjoy.

Here’s a gentle, uncomfortable consideration to sit with… How much of your relationship is really about you? Your needs. Your view. Your comfort. And how often do you truly see your partner? It’s normal to default to our own perspective and only see our own point of view. But sometimes we can get so caught up in our own perspective that we don’t really see our partner’s. And when that becomes habit… …it quietly erodes connection. Working through that and getting to a place where you understand that you've been more selfish is a crucial part of any relationship. It's hard for all of us to acknowledge that, to take on that less attractive part of ourselves. But ultimately, it's where your relationship will flourish. If you want something practical steps to help, try pausing before you make choices that affect both of you and actually ask. Practice reflecting back what your partner says before responding. And if you find yourself realizing you’ve put yourself first… Name it. Apologize for it. And take reparative action. These aren’t dramatic fixes; they’re just steady habits you can use to rebuild connection.

Most people never say it out loud, not even to their closest friends, because admitting it feels like failure. Failure in the eyes of others. Failure in the story you told yourself. I see so many people in relationships where the spark is gone, but instead of doing anything about it, they just keep going through the motions. And why? Because they’ve been taught that silence proves strength. And because they think that if they talk about it with someone that could help, then the feelings they’d have to explore would be worse than the loneliness. But here’s what’s real… Silence doesn’t fix anything. It strips you down. The truth people rarely admit is that unhappiness can start to feel normal, and once it feels normal, it becomes dangerous. Because connection can survive conflict, but it cannot survive indifference. But unhappiness doesn’t have to be permanent. What breaks people isn’t the fights, it’s the silence. What destroys love isn’t struggle, it’s pretending everything is fine. When the truth is spoken… Without blame… Without hiding… There’s a chance to rebuild. There’s a chance to reset. There’s a chance to remember why you chose each other in the first place. So the question isn’t, is your relationship perfect? It’s, are you willing to be honest enough and get the help you need to bring it back to life?

Feeling invisible in your relationship is one of the most painful experiences you can have. It’s like you’ve faded into the background of your own relationship. Sadly, it’s very common and it’s one of the struggles I hear a lot from clients in my relationship trainings. Here’s what’s interesting… When you become invisible in your relationship, it’s not usually because of a lack of love. It’s not even that your partner doesn’t care or that they aren’t trying… More often than not, most partners do genuinely care; they are committed, and they believe they’re doing everything right. And they’re right… at least on the surface. They are there. But something essential is missing. But being physically present isn’t the same as being emotionally engaged. If you ever feel invisible, it’s because you stop really seeing each other. Somewhere along the way, the spark of truly noticing each other has faded. Invisibility comes from being present without attention and connection. It’s conversations where you nod, but don’t truly listen. It’s the routines where you touch, but don’t actually feel. It’s the habitual hug or kiss that carries no real sentiment. It’s the daily routines that keep you side by side, but not truly connected. This is how invisibility creeps in. It’s not through absence, but through attention that has grown shallow. And it means a person can sit next to the one they love and still feel erased. When this happens, I challenge couples to do something really powerful… And it’s super simple… Sit opposite one another and look into each other’s eyes. Really see each other again. Not just as the parent, the partner, or the provider, but as the whole, complex person sitting across from you. Really look. See the person in front of you. See the person you first fell in love with. When someone feels seen, the smallest gesture, be it a glance, a kind word, a handheld with intention, can bring your relationship back to life. And that shift doesn’t require grand changes.

A client asked me recently, “If I love my partner, then why am I not happy?” This question struck me as it goes deeper than love alone. You see, even when love is there, it can get meshed with our old wounds from the past. And if those old wounds aren’t healed, then it’s difficult to be who we really want to be in the present. It’s why you can care deeply for someone and still carry loneliness inside. It’s why moments of affection can still feel empty. It’s why being “loved” doesn’t always mean feeling fully seen. Because love alone doesn't erase patterns we've built over years; patterns of keeping quiet, patterns of keeping small, or patterns of choosing peace over honesty. Happiness in a relationship isn't just about loving someone, it's about feeling safe to be fully yourself with them. Without that, love can feel like it’s missing something essential. And if you've spent a lifetime without breaking the old patterns it will mean that even the warmest love can feel like it's missing something. Breaking those patterns isn’t easy. It asks us to risk discomfort, to use our voice when silence feels safer, and to choose truth even when it feels uncertain. But this is the path to bringing your full self into a relationship. Because only when you allow yourself to be fully seen can you experience love that feels whole. Ask yourself if you’re showing up as all of who you are here or are you still living inside the old patterns?