Iāve been numbing out for too long. Hiding behind feel-good Christian worship songs, and church routines that made it look like everything was okay when, deep down, I was hurting and bleeding. The truth is, I was searching for validation from other believers. Hoping that doing all the ārightā Christian things would somehow make me feel whole. But recently, a song by Eminem that he wrote for his daughter stopped me in my tracks. It reopened a wound I thought had healed and helped me see that so much of my pain comes from the emptiness left by an absent father. Iāve been looking for what only God could give me in people and in church. But I donāt need validation from the church anymore...that shipped has sailed. Iāve already been validated by God ...fully seen, fully known, and fully loved by my Heavenly Father. We can play church all day long, follow every tradition, and say all the right things, but what if church was never meant to be the man-made version weāve built? What if ādoing churchā is really about living out love beyond the four walls!!!! Where real people, real pain, and real healing actually happen!!!! This isnāt me losing faith... I'M HAVING AN HONEST REALIZATION. Itās me learning to feel again, to stop pretending Iām okay WHEN I'M NOT!!! I'm not going to hell just because I don't fit the perfect Christian narrative. LETTING Godās love touch the deepest parts of my heart is the only way to true freedom... no religious garbage.