Here's a funsies question: When you say yes, are you ACTUALLY saying yes, or are you managing someone else's feelings? The Wheel of Consent explores four basic experiences: giving, receiving, taking, and allowing. The Healthy side says things like: “I want to give this.” “I want to receive this.” “I’m choosing to take this.” “I’m comfortable allowing this.” "I can ask for what I want/need" "I can say no without needing to justify it" We can give freely without needing something in return, we can receive without guilt, we can ask for what we want and genuinely accept “no", and we can also allow others to do something for us because we want to receive it, not because we feel obligated. The Shadow side says: (Clarification--shadow side doesn't mean bad. It's often a protective part that at some point learned "This is how I stay safe, connected, wanted, in control, etc". Good intentions, rough consequences, you know?) “I'll give so you won't be disappointed.” "I'll give so you'll like me" “I'll receive because I don't want to offend you.” "I'll receive, but now I owe you" “I'll take because I feel entitled to it.” "I'll take because I assume you should provide" “I'll allow it because it's easier than saying no.” "I'll allow it because your disappointment or other emotion feels scarier than my discomfort". Giving can become people-pleasing, receiving can feel selfish, taking can become entitlement, and allowing can become passivity or resentment. Sometimes we say “yes” when our body, values, or boundaries are actually saying “no.” This is self betrayal, self erasure and over time we lose trust with ourselves as a result. The Wheel of Consent can help us notice the places where our healthy choices get hijacked by old patterns. It helps us become more aware of why we're saying yes, what we're actually consenting to, and whose needs we're trying to meet. :) Some questions to ask oneself when dealing with a decision: -What am I afraid would happen if I said no or spoke up?

Happy September, Inspired and Empowered Fam! :) I don't create short posts too often, but I figured I'd like to do a check in and see how you're all doing and see what's something that you'd like to focus on this month. :) What's something that I can follow up with you guys at the end of the month? 𝗔𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿: - 1.Which area feels most energized right now? How can I continue nurturing it? - 2.Which area feels neglected? What might it need from me? - 3.Is there an area I keep saying I want to prioritize but rarely give my time or energy to? - 4.Which area, if improved even slightly, might have a positive ripple effect on the rest of my life? - 5. Where am I doing things because I genuinely value them and where am I operating from “should”? - 6.What do I want to experience more of this September? - 7.What do I want to intentionally make space for? POLL: Which area would benefit from some love, attention and intention?

𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘀 𝘃𝘀. 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀: 𝗧𝘄𝗼 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 A friend shared an experience and said something along the lines of "I have no where else to be. This is what this time is for. There's no need to rush." It was a beautiful way to hear time and exprience being described. Shortly after, I was reading and the concept of Kairos came up (in contrast to Chronos) and it got me thinking about time and how we spend it. We tend to think of time as something we measure: minutes, hours, deadlines, calendars, birthdays, appointments...The relentless march of "you're late", "what's next", "gotta catch up". 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲: chronological, sequential, measurable time. It asks "What time is it?" But there’s 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲: 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀. Kairos is the right moment a meaningful, opportune, or significant moment that isn’t necessarily measured by a clock. It's more of an experience. It's about Presence. It asks, "𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲" as opposed to "what time is it"... We can spend three hours doing something and feel like it took ten minutes because we were fully present and immersed. Or....we can spend ten minutes waiting for something and feel like we've aged 10 years. Our orientation (and heart posturing perhaps?) with the allotted time matters. Chronos helps us schedule our lives and counts the moments. Kairos helps us experience our lives and give the moments meaning. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆? (A moment that felt significant, timely, or somehow bigger than the amount of time it actually took?) POLL: What's your relationship with time? ----------------------------------------------𝗕𝗢𝗡𝗨𝗦 𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗔𝗟-------------------------------------------------------- 𝗔𝗻 𝗔𝗜 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝗢𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝘀: The ancient Greeks used Chronos to mean quantitative, linear, sequential clock-and-calendar time, personified as the primeval deity of ages. They used Kairos to mean qualitative, opportune, "in-between" moments of decisive action, personified as the youngest child of Zeus, representing the fleeting, perfect window to act.

One of the ideas in The Comfort Crisis (book) that really stuck with me is the distinction between biological hunger and reward-driven eating. It's not like I wasn't aware, it's just that it pointed to something that I often do...snack. Snack because something sounds good, snack because I'm having a hard time deciding what to do, snack because I'm stressed, snack because it's available, snack because I'm accustumed to snacking... snack. snack. snack. And my snacks? They're full on meals..ha. But how often do I actually neeeeeed to snack? Probably almost never because my body is barely ever actually hungry...And this? This isn't a good thing. Here's the difference: 𝗕𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 This is our body saying: "I NEED energy.” It tends to build gradually and isn't necessarily picky. We're more likely to notice physical cues like an empty feeling in your stomach, low energy, or difficulty concentrating. If we're genuinely hungry, a fairly ordinary meal can sound pretty good. No fancy flavors or textures needed. 𝗥𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱-𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 This is more like: “I WANT that”. We might be completely physically satisfied but suddenly have an intense desire for cookies, chips, donuts, ice cream, or whatever our particular weakness happens to be. It can be triggered by: stress, boredom, habit, seeing or smelling food, emotions, fatigue, social situations, or simply knowing that something is available. Oh....availability...My nemesis. Unlike people in the past, modern life gives us almost unlimited access to food rewards. Availability. So, we end up responding to food cues/rewards instead of actual energy needs. And this has a negative impact on us. It gives us a dopamine boost, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies. So, what can we do about it? First, be aware!! Awareness allows for us to be intentional with our decision making: 𝗣𝗔𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. Ask “What kind of hungry am I?” pause... When the desire to eat comes, ask: 1. Would I eat something relatively ordinary right now?

There's a concept called a 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠i which is a personal challenge so meaningful and difficult that there is a real possibility of failure (like 50% likelihood of failure even if you do everything 'right'). The goal of this isn't necessarily achievement, but the transformation that happens along the way. While the challenge itself may be physical in nature, the real test ends up being mental, emotional and spiritual. It basically has two rules: 1. 1.Make the task extremely challenging (with a 50/50 chance of failure/success) 2. 2. Do not die We live in a society where 'rites of passage' have been pushed aside. Helicopter parenting and now snowplow parenting have taken a front seat and both of these have had an interesting impact on our ability to handle tough situations. Tough situations that arise as part of living in a world where things aren't perfect. This is not to shame individuals that engage in these type of behaviors. These behaviors often come from a place of good intentions but also, often, from a place of fear. It seems that research (and seeing others' lived experience) shows that the 'right amount of challenge' is really needed for optimal growth. For us to feel capable, equipped, a sense of (healthy) pride and adequacy. A sense of "I can do it (or at least try), even if it's challenging...even if I will fail". From a psychological perspective, a Misogi works because it challenges some of our most common patterns: 1. 1. 𝐀𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: We naturally try to avoid discomfort, uncertainty, and situations where we might feel inadequate. The problem is that avoiding discomfort can also mean avoiding growth. A Misogi asks: "What would I attempt if I wasn't organizing my life around avoiding failure?" 1. 2.𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲: Many of us protect the identity we have created: "I'm not athletic," "I'm not creative," "I'm not a leader," "I'm not someone who does hard things." A meaningful challenge gives us the opportunity to rewrite the narrative that we've clung to.