Here's a not so hot take: Fear (not hate) is the true opposite of love. From a psychological perspective love is closely tied to secure attachment which has the following features: openness, trust, emotional regulation, and the ability to stay connected even when things feel uncomfortable. When we feel loved, the nervous system settles... We are open to listening more easily, we are able to stay open/present instead of pulling away, we can let down the armor that we hold up. Fear,however, activates our threat response (our fight/flight/freeze response). It sends alarm signals saying that something isn't safe. When our brains sense danger (physical or emotional or spiritual), it shifts into protection mode. Why wouldn't it? This is often how this can look relationally: Fight--criticism, anger, hostility (this can look like hate, right?) ; Flight--withdrawal, avoidance, shutting d down; Freeze--numbness, detachment. These type of responses end up being about survival, rather than connection...and these types of responses often lead to disconnection---the very think that people in relationship/friendship don't actually want. So, what can look like coldness, indifference, or even hate is often fear underneath: Fear of rejection/abandonment, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing safety, identity, or control. Fear disrupts the psychological safety that love requires.. So maybe part of love is being able to create a space where another human being doesn't feel the need to protect themselves from us. I love that the Greek language has like 7 different definitions for love. My favorite: Agape (A love that is expressed as a choice and a posture, not just a feeling; Agape is love that seeks the good of another, even when it costs you something). POLL:What most often triggers your emotional “shutdown” in relationships? QUESTIONS TO PONDER:Who in your life helps your heart feel calm, safe, and able to stay open? When you notice yourself shutting down, what is the fear underneath it trying to protect?

Posted with permission from @Georgiana D ❤️ Valentine’s Day Special Training — Understanding & Preventing Coercive Control Valentine’s Day often highlights love and connection. We’re choosing to also look honestly at how control, coercion, and harm can hide inside relationships. Love should never require fear, compliance, or self-erasure ❤️ On Saturday 14th February, we are honoured to host the brilliant @Serena DAfree from DAfree Awareness Movement for two tailored sessions — one for trauma survivors and one for therapists/counsellor and coaches. Duration 1 hour, and will be recorded. Live attendance is open to all members. 💜 Trauma Survivor / Peer Support Community Join for free here: Trauma Healing Community VTT 🕑 2pm UK time (check your calendar for local time) Understanding & Preventing Coercive Control We will explore: • what coercive control is and why it can be invisible • how patterns of control create trauma over time• how it appears beyond romantic relationships • the impact on the nervous system, identity & safety• red flags and gentle awareness By the end, you’ll: • recognise coercive control as a pattern, not a single event • understand how harm can exist without physical violence • gain language for experiences that are often hard to name• leave with a more compassionate lens for yourself and others 🌿 Therapist Community (for therapists, counsellors and coaches) Join for free here: Therapist Community TPS 🕓 4pm UK time (check your calendar for local time) Coercive Control Explained for Therapists: Why it Matters We will explore: • foundations of domestic abuse & coercive control • historical, legal & human rights perspectives • impacts on survivors • how coercive control presents in therapeutic work

Hello! I'm really excited to promote this great oppotunity! :) ❤️ Valentine’s Day Special Training — Understanding & Preventing Coercive Control @Christopher Whitehead-Baines is hosting @Serena DAfree for two tailored sessions — one for trauma survivors and one for therapists/counselors and coaches related to this topic. *****Please check out this post for more information!**** free-training-events-understanding-preventing-coercive-control

If you don't want to read the rest, that's okay, but I reeeeeeally wanna know who your alter ego is! How does it show up? Have you named it? Feel free to add a GIF or a picture to represent it or a comment to expand! :) :) For more, read below! -------------------------------------------------- A lot of people think of alter egos as costumes or a masquerade....something fake, exaggerated, or a hiding of some sort. Buuuuut, psychologically, they're often not that at all. An alter ego is usually a contained expression of a real part of the self, maybe one that doesn’t always feel safe, welcome, or effective in everyday life BUT may feel VERY effective in some circumstances... Alter egos are often created because different situations demand different capacities... Beyonce was the first person that came to mind for this--her alter ego "Sasha Fierce" (bold, fierce, commanding on stage) but there are other examples as well. The idea of courage without overthinking is attractive to me this year. ha. SOoooo much thinking. If you're hesitant, like I was, here's some reassurance..the problem isn’t having an alter ego, but rather having one that runs the show unconsciously. I almost think that "alter-ego" is a misnomer. When used intentionally, the alter ego can provide psychological distance during stress, reduce emotional overlaod by narrowing focus, help bypass fear, shame and people pleasing patterns and act as a bridge between values and action. Used unconsciously, it can become armor that's rigid, isolating, or self-erasing. But here's the thing....coming from someone that appreciates the IFS (internal family systems) model, I like the idea of integrating the different parts rather than having them be polarized/hidden. Being called upon with intention rather than being reactive and causing chaos.Maybe the 'shadow' side comes out when things are more reactive but ultimately, an alter ego would be part of the whole picture. :) An integrated self is a healthy self. Being able to move between states consciously is healthy. It's really about allowing more of the self to come out...intentionally.

Pausing to acknowledge progress reinforces it. Reflection is part of sustainable growth. 💬 What’s one habit, boundary, or mindset shift you’re carrying into February?