I had an insight regarding discipline today. Normally I think of discipline as something I use to accomplish something new. But today I realized discipline isn't limited to "something I can't do yet". Discipline can also be used to STOP doing something I am already doing that's just causing mischief and suffering. A habit of mind that comes from a bottom line belief, backed by an assumption, usually about me. I can hold a vigil. Notice the habit whenever it comes up. I can learn to be a grown-up and just stop doing it. And I can contemplate the bottom line if it's super strong and just won't go away. All of this takes discipline. In case you're all wondering, the habit I have that I'm now working on is social (of course!). It's where I try to be "helpful" to others by offering advice, then I feel hurt or disappointed when my advice is rejected or dismissed in some way. Then I fester and obsess over it for days afterwards. It always passes, but then something else always takes its place. Maybe some of you have something like this going on as well. Somehow knowing I can bring discipline to this problem has already changed my relationship to the matter. I am committed to ending this type of suffering.

All, I'm starting to have an insight on the act of questioning itself. And it's not a complex "process." It's not a hard thing "to do." It seems about as natural as choosing to look to the left or right, close or far. It's the really WANTING TO KNOW that will "unfog" this whole category, the "trick." The challenge or the obstacle that gets in the way really seems to be our "certainty," or beliefs, or even our SELVES. What we deem as important to us or necessary that we cling to that reduces our openness. Because being in the FACE of something not known, it appears natural to wonder and question. Put your attention on it. Huh, what is that? Why is that? And it just so happens, in a genuine experience of this moment there's shit we don't know and aren't clear on, so it's useful to ground our attention HERE, not elsewhere, and be honest, genuine, and open. And the secret to question funny enough is WANT to know, experience that you actually DON'T know

In order to become enthusiastic about doing something, I have to create an expectation of some kind of a reward upon completion of a task: emotional, material, etc., Would it make me incomplete? Can one be complete and enthusiastic about doing something at the same time?

This question has been dwelling in my mind for a long time. In a subconscious attempt to be accepted by peers or family, you might find yourself acting out roles. It may be a smaller follow-up to the question “Who am I?”, but still, I believe there is value in contemplating it.

Just noticing and how much I'm creating narratives onto 'objective reality' which actually isn't. Like I create contraction and suffering by so much unnecessary layers and 'mind projections' rather than remaining present with what is, immediate and already 'knowing' and trusting what do... This week I'm trying to be more balanced in remaining appropriate to the task and purpose (especially at work) rather than engaging in dramas almost everyone seems to indulge in. Interested to hear about your experience of how much meaning is added and the effects this activity has. What happens when you take away meaning, stories and narratives? What occurs when you add back all the meaning, judgements, opinions etc.? I'm looking outside my window right now... When I add meaning and narrative judgement to things, there seems to be a contracting quality, as if mind wandering to what's next...next...next... as if looking for problems (related to me! of course) with a buzzing low-level suffering. When I remove meaning, everything is more open, calm and fascinating. My experience seems freer like I've stopped tensing or 'holding the doorknob' when the door is already opened! Below is the quote from Ralston: 'In our daily experience, probably the most palpable evidence of our drive to self-persist can be found in the “meaning” we perceive in everything. Our survival-needs demand that the world we perceive be divided into positive and negative, and so every object, person, circumstance, or idea will automatically include a charge of some kind. Of course, we make many other distinctions as well, but one of the first assessments we make is whether something is threatening or benign. After that, it’s about determining the specific risk or value the thing has to our particular self, and what we should do about it.'