I've said this before, but when starting this community and when joining other communities on skool, I never anticipated the actual 'community' piece of it. Didn't expect the very real connections that would be made through a medium that seemed so detached to me. But, here we are, connecting. And it feels real. Because maybe, just maybe, it is real after all? This past week @LaTanya Carter and I had an incredible journey making our way through a few countries (more on that in a different post). It's been a beautiful trip filled with realizations, beautiful scenery and gratitude. I'm so thankful for the ability to do this and so so blessed to do this with her! She's lovely 💗 The highlight on the very last day of our trip has been being able to meet @Serena DAfree in real life!!! 🇺🇲🌎🇬🇧 Her and I met early on and we just 'clicked'. Her heart for people and her ability to look beyond the surface really stood out and I just love her energy. The real life meet up just further highlighted her spirit and her love. (Thank you for a lovely lunch!) Spending time with her was the best part of the last day. It never ceases to amaze me that we live in a time where we can meet strangers (from all over the world) online and become friends and meet them in real life. Wild times... How have your online connecting experiences been for you? I personally know it doesn't always turn out positive but obviously I'm hoping for more good than bad!

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧- a cognitive distortion where we automatically assume other people’s behavior is about us. Good times. Someone seems distant? We assume we did something wrong. Someone gives criticism? We interpret it as a statement about our worth. But in reality, what people do is impacted by stress, past experiences, mood, insecurities, cognitive biases, nervous system regulation, and so so many variables we know nothing about. Not taking things personally is less about “not feeling anything” or "not caring" and more about catching the mental reaction that turns other people’s behavior into a reflection of our worth. Here are some steps that we can take to work towards this decreasing personalization so we can engage with reality for what it is 😊 1. 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 (what story are we telling ourselves) The trigger is usually fast (someone's short with us, someone leaves us out, someone says something unkind). Our mind, which tries to analyze and problem solve goes into meaning making “They don’t like me,” “I did something wrong,” “I’m not enough.” So first, notice if there is a story. 2. 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 Split what actually happened from what you made it mean: Fact: “They replied with one word.” Story: “They’re annoyed with me. I’m bothering them. They don't like me.” (this in turn is often related to a fear we have, often around loss--rejection, abandonment, disconnection) Most emotional pain lives in the story, not the fact. 3. 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 (personalization in this case) Labeling creates distance. Instead of becoming enmeshed, we become more observant and when we are observant we have a balcony view. 4. If we're going to be creative, let's add some more creativity...maybe. C𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 2–3 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 . This is about forcing our brain out of the tunnel and not about trying to pick the “best” explanatio. (We're just breaking the illusion that there’s only one explanation). 5. 𝐑𝐞-𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡

I read a few of the posts that @Thomas Rua Jr. has in this community and that in addition to a few conversations that I've had recently got me thinking about self honesty and how often we may find ourselves in traps related to the discomfort of facing ourselves. Even when we think we're honest, at times there are still layers keeping us from truly seeing ourselves. When we don't tell ourselves the truth about what's actually happening (with ourselves, with a situation), we can end up working incredibly hard and putting a lot of time and energy in a direction that's not really serving us and potentially even harming us. Self-honesty isn't about trying harder to 'be honest" because 'most' people already think that they are. The gap is in what we're willing to see and what we're protecting. It requires us to practice /engage in different ways of going about our thinking. Below are some ways to try to go about it!! 1.𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 We usually have a narrative /explanation about why things are the way they are--the story that we tell ourselves to explain our habits, our patterns and the results. Something that we can do is ask ourselves "What if this story is incomplete? What if this story is convenient? What if this story is keeping me stuck?" Fill in the blank, "The story that I'm telling myself about this is____" 2. 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 We are meaning making people. We end up taking facts and adding meaning to situations. It can ease the bluntness of certain situations. Sometimes the interpretation is helpful, other times it ends up just justifying behaviors that we'd benefit from changing. Blurring facts with meaning can sometimes be problematic. Similar to above "The story that I'm telling myself about this is ____" 3. 𝐎𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫-𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 This is NOT about self blame. Self blame and responsibility and empowerment/agency are different things. Not everything is our fault and just because things happen doesn't mean that we are the problem. This is more about asking "What kind of agency do I have in this situation, even if other variables exist?" It's about taking ourselves from a victim position and putting ourselves in a position of appropriate power. There are things that are outside of our control but there are also things where we have agency.

Saw this at a place I was visiting today and thought I'd pass it on !! When trying something new, it's probably going to feel uncomfortable! Those are new neural connections being created so there is an actual physical discomfort that's happening. That's normal! Let's embrace the process :-) get aligned and then embrace the discomfort that comes along with the change!

Saw this quote in another community and it was such a good reminder as it applies to soooooo many areas of life. :) "I"ll start when I'm ready" sounds responsible. Thoughtful. Maybe even wise. But often times it's more likely to be self-protection which then leads to procrastination and timidity in action. This 'waiting' for the perfect moment can actually erode self trust over time if we don't take action. And that's a disappointing feeling. We rarely feel 100% ready (but that doesn't mean that we're not ready)..Feelings, while valid, are not facts...They inform, but they don't need to drive. Motivation research shows us that action is often the thing that creates clarity and confidence (not the other way around). Growth almost always requires movement (rather than perfect preparation). Something to consider: There’s also a 𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 at play: the belief that future-you will be braver, more disciplined, or more prepared than present-you. BUT!!!! Avoidance reinforces anxiety which makes us LESS likely to engage in the behavior. This is that erosion of self trust I mentioned earlier! (Check out @Sofia Martinez 's post that very much relates to this erosion of self trust: the-agreement-you-keep-breaking-with-yourself) Sometimes “I’m not ready” is valid, but I think that we need to be honest with ourselves and identify if /when that's actually the case. (Check out @Kate Galli 's post that is related--points out to some things that may get in the way of us taking steps towards goals!!: 6-aversion-factors-that-quietly-kill-your-progress) (The video is related to how to make stress your friend. Figured it would be helpful to put us in better positions for taking on positive risks! :) )