I think the last six months of rollercoaster shit have finally caught up with me... mentally, emotionally AND physically. It's like I've been holding it all together, cracking on, businessing, sorting shite, dealing with shite, telling meself I'll be alright... and suddenly my body and my brain have gone... 𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗥 𝗡𝗢𝗣𝗘. 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗔𝗬 𝗠𝗶𝗺𝗶… Part of me honestly wants to disappear to some remote bloody island with a million rescue dogs, a little hut overlooking the ocean and absolutely FUCK ALL to do except cuddle dogs, swim, eat nice food and breathe. THAT sounds pretty fcking good right now… And I think I'm finally having to face something I've probably been trying to avoid... things need to change… I've been self-employed and businessing for 27 YEARS. Twenty bloody seven. And I'm gonna be 53 this year. Maybe I'm not supposed to be doing things exactly the way I've always done them anymore. Maybe my body isn't having it. Maybe my brain wants summat different. Maybe I just want SIMPLE. Maybe I want peace of mind more than I want another business goal… And then there's all the SHAME and guilt that comes with even admitting that, isn't there? Like somehow if you're good at something, you've built something, you've spent years doing it... you're not allowed to say, "Actually... I'm fucking tired." 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗔𝗠… And I'm not saying I want to throw my business away. I totes don't. I still love it. I still see so much potential in it. I'm fucking EPIC at what I do, if I say so meself…. There is still money incoming. There are still things I want to create…. But part of me is also thinking... what if I just went and worked for some vegan online company? Or something eco? Or cuddled dogs all day? Or did summat that didn't require me to constantly be thinking about fucking SALES, CONTENT, OFFERS, STRATEGY, NUMBERS and 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗨𝗖𝗞 𝗔𝗠 𝗜 𝗗𝗢𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗡𝗘𝗫𝗧 Maybe there's no shame in wanting that. Maybe wanting a quieter life doesn't mean I've failed. Maybe wanting peace doesn't mean I've lost my ambition.

Grab a seat... a cuppa... a fluffy toy... whatever... let's go. So... I had ANOTHER ridiculously long sleep. My body is definitely in healing mode. My back is getting a little bit better every day and honestly... that's a HUGE relief. Still a way to go... but I'm grateful this old body knows how to sort itself out. I even had some kinda positive dreams. Couldn't tell U exactly what they were now... but I know one of them was me rearranging all the furniture on my terrace to make more space and let more light in. Dreamy af… (now just to wait to the back to heal to move the furniture) I woke up with a proper spring in my step. OOOO... it felt GOOD to be back. Laptop open. Coffee made. Ready to write. Today was gonna be the day. Dirty Yoga Club... HERE WE GO. I was actually excited to get stuck in… Then... 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗜𝗧. Logged into my banking app... just to check a couple of things before I started working. Face ID decided it wasn't Face ID-ing anymore 🤨. Fine... "No worries... just put ur PIN in." Errrrrrrm... apparently my brain had other ideas… 𝗪𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴.𝗪𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴.𝗪𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴. So it says... "Let's re-register." Sweet... easy enough. "We'll send an activation code to ur mobile." Brill ...except I haven't had that bloody number for YEARS 🤦🏼‍♀️ Cue me trying this... trying that... swearing A LOT... trying again... Googling... trying again... swearing some more... then realising I'm completely LOCKED out of my own damn bank account. No payments. No transfers. Can't even check my own bloody balance. 𝗡𝗔𝗙𝗙 𝗔𝗟𝗟. So now I'm sat on WhatsApp support... Waiting... ...and waiting... ...and WAITING. Because apparently that's my day now. FFS. Honestly... isn't it funny how U can wake up with all this motivation... buzzing to create... thinking "RIGHT... today's gonna be a GOOD day." Then twenty minutes later... you're locked out of your own bank account... trying to prove to a banking app that U are actually... U It wasn't even on my bloody bingo card for today… So yeah... Dirty Yoga Club is gonna have to wait another day. GUTTED if I'm honest. The excitement literally drained outta me in about thirty seconds. But hey... it'll still be there tomorrow. I'd rather launch it feeling excited than rush it because I said I would.

every Saturday 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞𝗥𝗢𝗢𝗠 crew sells their sh*t and I celebrate the fck out of them… here's what these epic humans are building… go show them love… 👇 ♿ @Åsa Strahlemo built 𝗦𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝟱 because most health advice assumes u can stand… walk… cook… exercise… get outside without planning every step… and that's just not everyone's reality… Seated 5 is for adults with mobility limitations who need practical health routines that actually fit real life… join free and use the Seated 5 Reset Map to start this week… 👉 skool.com/seated5/about 📖 Krista Brea is teaching community owners and business owners how to instantly elevate their credibility and authority… 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸… not just any book… ur book… self published and selling on Amazon… the biggest marketplace in the world… if ur ready to be known as the expert u actually are go check this out… 👉 skool.com/kdp-publishing/about 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗠𝗬 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲… 𝗴𝗼 𝗪𝗢𝗢𝗣 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗠 𝗕𝗜𝗚 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 💪

ok i'm saying it… i'm actually so bloody proud of myself lately. been throwing myself out of my comfort zone constantly, new places, new cultures, new people, and yeah social anxiety usually kicks my arse but THIS weekend?? gone from the gurl who'd be in bed by 9pm hiding from the entire world to going on an actual kinda bender. not a messy one lol, i just mean i stayed OUT out. So it was Saturday evening, lil local local cafe opening (Bali peeps in a local Bali village), live music, went wiv a couple friends, met a load of new people, giggled my ass off, rang totally out of tune, way out of my comfort zone but somehow felt completely at ease?? got there at 6pm ish, home by 1:30am absolutely FREEZING btw. boiling in the day here but somehow grrrrr antarctica at night, make it make sense. in bed by 2am… up again at 4am. yes. you read that right. 2hr nap then straight back out driving through the pitch black freezing my boobies off to watch the England match at this Bar that randomly reminded me of a british pub type bar in the back of a dark room, I haven't watched football in like 15-20 yrs and the energy was HYPED AF. we could barely get a seat. England won (heart still kinda goes to Norway tho, they played bloody epic, but home country is home country, not touching the politics wiv a bargepole). Sunlight now up… One coffee to stay awake…did the job, one beer, done. Then saw the next game was an hour later so legged it for some food, came back, watched Argentina v Sweden the hell big bottle of water, vibes were again amazing… Got home at 1pm. so that's 8am one morning til 1pm the NEXT day on a 2 hour nap and honestly?? felt absolutely fine?? what the effers is wrong w me lol. bit spaced out last night, chilled, passed out on the sofa, slept like the dead, and now?? Energised as fuck. Welcome NEW WEEK, you beautiful things… let's be having u…

Definitely not something I want. Definitely something I’m working on. Definitely not something I want to label myself as… but I know I just fricken did… So last night I went to a local live music event with this new EPIC man in my life who’s from here in Bali. Not a big concert or out like that. Just local musicians, friends, beers, good vibes… and I was like… right… bite the bullet, Mimi. Go and do something uncomfortable for once instead of making excuses, u got this eeekkk I could already feel the anxiety brewing before we even left. Thirty minute scooter ride… and I’m already overthinking shit a lot Then we walked in. It was this bigish warehouse space. All the lights were on. Maybe 25 or 30 people sat around tables drinking arak and beer. 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗺𝗲𝗻…. Ekka knew people straight away. A few came over to say hello. He introduced me. Obvs there’s a language barrier because I don’t speak Indonesian (gotta sort this out..note to self) and then my brain just went… 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗧. I’m the only girl here. 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗧. I'm the only bule (that's what they call us foreigners here) here. And then… oh my dayz… I spiralled. Like PROPER fcking spiralled. The only way I can describe it is... imagine walking into an arena where U don't know a SINGLE person. Everything's unfamiliar. Everyone already knows everyone else. And it feels like there's this massive af spotlight following U around the room. Like everyone can see u. Everyone's looking at u. Everyone's judging u... even though they're probably not pfffttt That's exactly what it felt like. 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗦𝗢 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱. 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻. 𝗜 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻. What do I do with my hands? Do I put them on my hips? Behind my back? Do I smile? Am I smiling too much? Am I standing weird? Why am I just STANDING here? Then it got even more ridiculous because my brain clearly thought, "Let's throw absolutely EVERYTHING at her while we're at it." Why didn't I wear my Vans? Why have I got sandals on? Why am I wearing shorts? I should've worn trousers. Do I look like an idiot? People are gonna think... who the fuck is SHE? Why is she here?