Insights: I'm a combo of multiple patterns
This was very eye-opening for me. I could relate to many of the hot seats and the questioning. I thought I was just one pattern, but what was an eye opener for me is that I'm evidently a combination of a few of them. Which just goes to the fact that one of them is I'm a high achiever (performer). So why be one pattern when you can be more than one...lol...a fixer, and overgiver, a good girl on the outside and a bad girl secretly, and a performer and a perfectionist. I think what I'm interested in is figuring out is the why... because I did not have abandonment or lack of love In love wasn't associated with being the top of my class or being the best child or any of that I received love no matter what...But my mother always went out of her way and I'm known to always go out of my way and go over the top with things just like her and I used to take it as a compliment, and many people say I'm just like her but I read her diaries after she passed away 6 years ago and found out she was depressed most of her life so it's starting to make me wonder why she did the things she did and then I did them trying to emulate my mother when she was really covering up something else. I have already been doing the meditation I am on day 12. I found the meditation before I found the MLR. I don't think I have a current answer for who I would be without the patterns because I have so many. The first thing that came to mind though was FREE. It's okay that my grocery list is not perfect, and my artwork is not perfect, and I don't need to rework things... I did learn that how to overcome some of my perfectionism is to be a procrastinator interestingly enough because I wouldn't rework things and overwork them I had to get them done and I'd wait till the last minute so that I wouldn't and I always got better grades or the projects were better when I didn't spend so much time trying to be a perfectionist and worked with a time crunch. I started the year with an unplugged reset at the ocean by myself (fasting, meditating, praying,v releasing, journaling, no social media) and I felt like I got a lot of inner work started there and released and surrendered a lot. So for the year I'm trying to focus on surrendering and be at peace and letting people just be people. And remembering that there's my part, that there's their part, and there's God's part and I can't control all three parts. I just talked a lot but I felt like I had a lot to share. 😆