I joined this community on 8th March 2026 and really didn’t know what this was about, whether I would actually get anything out of it and not knowing very much about adhd. I hadn’t been diagnosed yet but thought what have I got to lose, I am a post menopausal woman who has not known why I am like the way I am. Why I never fitted in, never have many friends, how I always tried to be nice to everyone and help people (my mantra has been, it doesn’t cost anything to be nice), why did I come up with brilliant ideas that excited me, and then get really down about things and not be able to get out of bed, why my dad thought I was paranoid but no-one even looked at me, why I went to a private school that cost my parents a lot of money but I came out with one pass in art (as my mum liked to remind me)! Why I was so difficult as a teenager/early twenties and rebelled against everything my mum liked. During lockdown I was busier than ever, helping my family through it and afterwards my parents told people that I was amazing and did so much for them…. At last I was recognised for my efforts. My brother did nothing but my mum defended him, as he lives so far away and he works (an hour away). He spoke to them everyday but only visited every 3 months. He was always the golden child and could do no wrong. They would seek his advice constantly but never mine. A grudge I have held for years and didn’t know why it bothered me so much. At the age of 58 I found my people… YOU lovely people I was formally diagnosed in May 2026. I have now finished so many loops… I fixed my fence, altered clothing that has sat around for at least a year, cleared some of my house (ongoing), deleted emails that I was never going to read and the biggest one that I had been putting off for years, whilst my daughter was at Uni, the roof started to leak into her bedroom and part of the ceiling collapsed, today the workmen came to fit the scaffolding and on Thursday my roof is being fixed, I was putting it off until I could afford to do it but that was never going to happen at least for another year, so I have borrowed the money (interest free) and it’s not going to rain inside my house anymore.

I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bad day. But yesterday was the day. It didn't arrive with a bang. It crept in. I wanted to take it easy, do nothing for once, and within an hour the nothing turned into boredom. Out of that boredom I started snacking on stuff I knew would make me feel worse, and it did, almost instantly. Then I picked up my phone and started scrolling. Ten minutes in I was completely dopamine-depleted. Empty. Like someone had quietly unplugged me. So I did what I tell other people not to do. I reached for more of the same. I opened a video game. The last time I did that was December 2024. More than a year and a half ago. I didn't realize that until I was already sitting there like a zombie, not even enjoying it. Funny how the brain reaches for the exact habit it used to lean on when it's hurting. While I was sitting there feeling nothing, I looked at the community. It's been growing like crazy. Yesterday we hit number 9 in Discovery across the entire Skool platform!! I looked at the number and felt nothing. And for a split second i even thought, why am i even doing this? What's the point? Rationally I knew that was nonsense. I knew it in the moment. But knowing something does absolutely nothing for the way you feel when you're in it. You can be self-aware and still stuck. Awareness alone doesn't pull you out. So I stood up. I walked to the window and just stared outside for a while. I was thinking of two options. One was easy: crawl into bed, pull the curtains, and let the day get worse. Sink deeper into it. The other one I couldn't even see the end of. It just meant doing one thing, any thing. 2024 me would've picked option 1, but.. I just looked for the smallest possible action and DID IT. I walked over to my bed and grabbed my Eight Sleep, the mattress that regulates my temperature at night so I actually get deep sleep. Amazing thing by the way, even if it's stupidly expensive. Next to it was the filter. It had been sitting on my nightstand for three months. I kept walking past it, telling myself it was a whole job, that I'd get to it later. I finally swapped it. It took ten seconds. Ten seconds. And it gave me this tiny, real hit of dopamine.

Hey everyone, it’s been a crazy week. I took my daughter to one of her makeup jobs for a film as it was the other side of London and she couldn’t park anywhere and after a long day, she would not be in a fit state to drive home. So it was mum chauffeur… funny thing is I used to do chauffeuring in my single days, driving a stretch limo. Occasionally, I would get the men asking if I was qualified and I would say “yes I am certified!” So I dropped my daughter off and I went to find a cemetery to photograph some headstones. Well when I got there, outside on the road there were 2 fire engines, an ambulance and police cars. I asked if it was ok to go into the graveyard and they say ok. I was wandering around clearing the brambles and happily photographing headstones, when a policeman waved at me and wanted a chat. Apparently someone had gone missing and people were searching for a few days in the area. Well they found them deceased in an overgrown part of the cemetery…. He was asking why I was in the cemetery, so i explained that I volunteer to take photos and transcribe the headstones and put them on the internet so that people can find their ancestors. He said that his colleagues were saying it was a shame that after a few generations the graves are forgotten and they were unkempt and in a bad state and that the weeds had taken over. I don’t know what came over me but I started saying the stupidiest thing… I said that this particular cemetery was so bad that you could kill yourself trying to find the graves and clear the brambles…. Omg I could not believe I put my foot in it. As soon as the words came out I wished I hadn’t said it.

Week 4 hit me in a way I didn't expect 💗 Everyone talks about the breathwork (and yes also for me totally beautiful 🕯️) but the identity work underneath... that's where my world shifted. I found my two masks: the Overachiever and the Pleaser 🎭 Two faces, one engine, both whispering the same lie: "your value is what you produce." Naming them was strange. A bit sad. And then... a huge relief 🌷 Because if those are masks, then there's a ME underneath them. And she's still here ✨ If you've done Week 4: which mask did you find first? 💗

Major win today! I deleted a few thousand emails and text messages and it feels GREAT! I also unsubscribed to at least 10 newsletters. I’ve also been chipping away at the thousands of screen shots I’ve taken. The more I remove, the better I feel.