14d • General discussion
Confrontation and why I hate it
Sitting here right now I am noticing my body because I am completely dysregulated. In this moment, my back is sopping wet, my armpits are pouring, my skin is literally tingling, I can not concentrate, I feel disconnected, my heart is thumping out of my chest, breathing feels heavy, the back of my knees and my waist are sweating and I am freezing. THIS IS A NERVOUS SYSTEM REACTION. I am using this moment as a teaching point. I am not crying. I do not have anxiety. On the outside, I’m good. You’d never be able to tell. My trigger, I know that too. A business I used to work for is using videos and photos of me as promotion for their upcoming season of events. It’s not the fact they are doing it. Its that they are doing it without permission. WHY THIS TRIGGERS ME. Cptsd. I’m not standing up for myself the best way I could because I am afraid of confrontation. Even calling them out passive aggressively online set me OFF. I’m being what I feel is confrontational and it literally scares me. I’m a business woman. I shouldn’t feel scared for standing up for myself. But here we are. I’m going to stay off the internet for awhile, go take a bath and make some hot cocoa. Temperature grounding. Clean body, soft blankets and comfort shows. I feel okay emotionally (except insulted and feeling taken advantage of) but my body is freaking out. This doesn’t happen often but because I am aware of what is happening, I know now how to calm my body and reset, it just takes some time to not be jumpy or edgy after the fact. Has this ever happened to you? Does this happen to you? Let’s talk about it.
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Confrontation and why I hate it
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