Most couples struggle with THESE 5 things 👇

Talking to win, not to understand
Tone + timing (right message, wrong moment)
Assumptions instead of clarity (“That’s not what I meant…”)
Defensiveness (feedback feels like an attack)
Unspoken expectations (disappointed… but never clearly asked)

Quick fix for this week:Before you respond, say: “Help me understand what you mean by that.”It slows the fight down and puts you back on the same team.

Here’s the 3-question reset script (use it mid-conflict or anytime things feel tense). Keep your tone calm and slow:

“Help me understand...what are you really feeling right now?”(Gets to emotion, not just facts.)
“What do you need from me in this moment...comfort, change, or a plan?”(Clarifies the ask instead of guessing.)
“What’s one next step we can agree on today...and when should we check back in?”(Moves from argument to action.)

Bonus line if things escalate:“Time-out....my goal is connection, not winning. Can we reset?”

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