Burnout · The Healing Circle

Burnout

Hi everyone, this is Marjan.

I wanted to share something personal, in case some of you have experienced something similar or have insights to offer. I immigrated to Austria about ten years ago, and back then, anxiety wasn’t really part of my life. My biggest dream was simple: to start a family and earn a PhD. That was it. I’ve always felt a deep connection to nature and could sense God's presence in every little creature and phenomenon.

Now I live in Finland, and to be honest, I feel more at home here than I ever did in my home country or Austria. But here's where things get complicated. Over the years, life brought a lot of unexpected turns and challenges, and somewhere along the way, I developed intense, chronic anxiety that I’m still struggling with.

Even though I’m passionate about my work and the things I care about, I’ve never truly felt successful in loving myself or anything else. My prayers to build a family have remained unanswered, and that hurts deeply, especially since, in my mind, I never imagined a life lived alone. I try to cope, but it often feels like the harder I try, the more I fail. And letting go of that dream feels like letting go of a part of myself.

I know healing starts from within, but I’m just so tired, physically, mentally, emotionally. I can’t keep up with journaling or stay active like I used to. Everything feels heavier lately. I often feel invisible, even though I remind myself that God is always present and that the world unfolds according to His good purpose. I try to trust the timing, hold onto faith, and keep moving forward… but it’s hard not to feel like I’m losing time, just as I did in my 20s. I stayed being thankful and positive, but deep inside, I am not healed , and its the biggest failure for me having all of these information about self-love etc. :(

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