day 44 i'm struggling so much 😭😭 i'm itching to message him and i know i shouldn't why's if gotta hurt so much

Sooo , I sent the avoidant a paragraph as follows( he has been reposting petty garbage about us n pretending to be oh so hurt ) : Hey S, I really appreciate all you've done for me over this almost last two years. I really didn't want everything to end up ugly but they did. I will no longer be engaging seeing as I haven't received much of a response these last few days. wishing you all the success in art, school and what ever endeavors life brings to you:) happy holidays, god bless and take care. Which they said to me : Good morning I know I have given you the dissatisfaction of my silence and I’ve been very avoidant when it came to constructing this message telling you how I feel about it all truth be told I just want to be done with everything and not having to confront it, but knowing good and well deep down that I was going to have to confront it at some point so truth be told I don’t want to have another conversation. There is no other conversation that needs to be had. What’s done is done. I apologize on my end for how things turned out to be. I apologize for making everything ugly. It really is on my end. I apologize for stupid decisions that I’ve made over the course of or dealing and outside of our dealings as well and I just want you to understand that you are warranted to do everything that you feel the need to do. I am in full support of whatever you feel is right but I know on my end I am completely checked out with everything and damn near everyone so I hope you have an amazing year at UCF. I hope your future endeavors regarding kinesiology the health sports and exercise science propel you to success that you have never seen before, and I hope you achieve all the stuff all of the goals that you set your mind to so I hope you have a great rest of your day This is all I have to say take care

hi so my names hannah i'm 38 i'm diagnosed adhd autistic and BPD. (borderline personality disorder) body dismorphia, anxiety/social anxiety, depression, binge eating disorder. i have struggled with my mental health pretty much my whole life and any relationship i've had was always toxic and chaotic. my sons dad left us when he was two after that i didn't have a relationship only 'fun' i've stayed single for pretty much 17 years and done my best to work on myself. my binge eating disorder resulted in me getting to 345lb and developing diabetes. my mental health got to the point i didn't leave the house. so i've worked really hard i've lost 182lb i've had counciling learnt to look after my self better, to have a better understanding of myself and my struggles. so after being on my own for so long i decided i felt ready to start dating. i felt i can be more open and honest about my issues and so on. over the years i've been on dating sites etc but never really clicked with anyone. so i get a match with someone on hinge and we started taking about a band we both love. he sent me his number and said due to his work it's easier to text. he made it very clear from the beginning that he had a good job and earnt good money for me this is not important but it made me feel uncomfortable as my income is not great i am my sons full time carer due to his disability's. so it put me off from replying when he asked me what i did for a living. he also made it clear that he works monday to friday and sleeps in his truck so we would only get to see each other on weekends which i was absolutely fine with. a couple days later i was talking to my friend i had told her i had got talking to this guy but i hadn't replied because of my concerns to being judged she said to me that i shouldn't do that and let him be the judge. so i replied and his response was not what i was expecting. he said that i should be proud of myself that is can't be easy etc, this made me feel safe and comfortable and from then on we got talking every day for hours and got really close.