STOP BEING “REALISTIC.” IT’S COSTING YOU YOUR LIFE. Trying to be realistic is how people negotiate themselves into a below-average existence. Realism doesn’t protect dreams. It suffocates them before they ever get oxygen. As I’ve gotten older, I understand the old adage deeply: shoot for the stars and land on the moon. Because aiming low doesn’t make life safer. It just makes it smaller. The pressure of wanting something big terrifies the nervous system. So people downsize the dream until it feels “reasonable.” Then they call it maturity. Then they call it wisdom. Then one day, they call it regret. Realism is often just fear in professional clothing. Fear of disappointment. Fear of being seen wanting too much. Fear of failing publicly. So instead of risking the dream, people don’t want at all. But here’s the truth no one wants to admit: Half a dream lived is infinitely better than a dream abandoned. You don’t lose by reaching and landing short. You lose by never reaching at all. Below-average lives aren’t caused by lack of talent or opportunity. They’re caused by chronic self-editing. If your dream scares you, good. That means it’s alive. Don’t make it realistic. Make yourself capable of holding it. Average is what happens when desire is negotiated down instead of expanded into.

Love, money, and success don’t compete with each other. They activate the nervous system simultaneously. That’s the part no one tells women. When love, money, and visibility rise at the same time, multiple gates activate at once: Visibility (Throat) Clarity and boundaries (Jaw) Receiving without guilt (Heart) Responsibility and authority (Solar) Desire without collapse (Womb) That stretch is intense. And instead of expanding capacity, most women collapse one lane to regulate the body. So they choose a false tradeoff. “I’ll be loved, but not powerful.” “I’ll be successful, but alone.” “I’ll be spiritual, but broke.” “I’ll be soft, so I can’t be sharp.” Not because it’s true — but because the nervous system can’t yet hold all of it at once. So the body makes a deal: If I stay smaller here, I can stay safe there. This is why some women unconsciously believe they must be: less educated less ambitious less visible less financially sovereign …in order to be loved. “Men don’t like educated women.” “Money ruins relationships.” “Success makes you masculine.” That story keeps the system calm — and life small. Here’s what social media won’t tell you: The data doesn’t agree with the fantasy. Women who are educated, financially resourced, and self-directed have more stable, more successful marriages — not fewer. The problem was never love. The problem was capacity. Until the nervous system is trained to remain open under: love and money intimacy and authority desire and responsibility women will keep collapsing one door to protect another. This work is not about choosing. It’s about training the body to hold more without shutting down. You were never meant to pick one throne. You were meant to sit in all of them.

You’re Not Being Realistic. You’re Escaping the Pressure of Wanting. You don’t settle because your dreams are unrealistic. You settle because wanting feels unsafe in your body. You imagine the life you actually want—love, money, health, fulfillment—and instead of seeing possibility, you feel pressure. So you cut the dream in half. You tell yourself: “No one has it all.” “If I get it all, I’ll lose it.” “It’s greedy to want more.” That’s not wisdom. That’s an exit. You say: I have love, so it’s too much to want money. I have money, so wanting love is greedy. I have health, so I shouldn’t want more. You don’t choose this consciously. Your body does. The pressure of wanting more feels like risk—risk of disappointment, loss, exposure. So the body protects by settling. Settling isn’t humility. It’s relief. And relief today turns into regret later. Because the cost of avoiding the pressure of wanting is living half a life. You weren’t meant to negotiate your dreams down to something tolerable. You were meant to build the capacity to want without leaving. The body isn’t protecting you from greed. It’s protecting you from pressure. And until you can remain with wanting, settling will keep pretending to be the safe choice.

You Don’t Pick the Wrong Men. You Exit the Pressure. Arguing with women about the men they choose is useless. Because many women don’t choose— they settle to avoid disappointment. The pressure isn’t the man. The pressure is wanting to be loved and cared for. Wanting deeply puts the body at risk: risk of hoping risk of trusting risk of being seen in desire So instead of remaining under that pressure, the body exits. It doesn’t exit loudly. It exits reasonably. You call it “being realistic.” You call it “giving him a chance.” You call it “not asking for too much.” But what’s actually happening is this: You numb desire so you don’t have to feel the vulnerability of wanting. You settle so you don’t have to stay present with disappointment. You choose safety over truth. This is Womb Gate collapse. Not because you don’t know better. But because wanting still feels dangerous. No amount of arguing about standards will fix this. No list of red flags will override a nervous system that exits desire. The work is not “pick better.” The work is remain when desire rises. Remain when hope appears. Remain when care is possible. Because every time you settle, you didn’t fail. You left. And life slowed right there.

Your Patterns Are Your Exit Strategy Most women think their patterns are personality traits, bad habits, or proof they need to “work on themselves.” They’re not. Your patterns are how your nervous system exits when it reaches its limit. When capacity is hit, the body doesn’t panic. It quietly leaves. You explain instead of state. You go quiet instead of stay visible. You overgive instead of receive. You interfere instead of hold responsibility. You numb desire instead of want. You stall instead of move. You wait instead of stand. Nothing is wrong with you. These are not failures. They are protective exits learned when staying felt unsafe. The mistake is trying to fix the pattern without noticing where you leave. Capacity doesn’t grow by pushing harder or becoming more disciplined. It grows when you recognize the exit and don’t take it. Staying is the work. If you want to reflect, ask yourself: Where do I leave first—my words, my visibility, my receiving, my desire, my movement, or my ability to stand alone? That’s not your weakness. That’s your edge.