Emotional Guardrails for Overthinkers: When Your Brain Starts Making Up Stories
Recently I blew up a good connection (friendship) — not because of what the other person did, but because my brain was in survival mode and started filling in the blanks. High stress does that: - family illness - relationship pressure - time pressure - old trauma quietly humming in the background Put them all together and your mind starts trying to protect you by: - re-reading old messages - “finding” hidden meanings - stitching together half-truths and guesses - turning silence into rejection - turning kindness into “secret feelings” None of that is reality. It’s your nervous system trying to make sense of chaos. In my case, I: - misread signals - built a whole narrative on top of incomplete data - acted from the story in my head instead of what was actually in front of me Result? A connection that could have stayed clean and professional… got damaged by my own interpretation. I share this for one reason: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS! Especially when you’re exhausted, grieving, or under pressure. If you recognize yourself in this — overthinking, rereading chats, filling in gaps, assuming what others “really mean” — here’s a tiny framework I wish I had used before acting. 1. The 5-Min “Don’t Blow Up Your Relationships” Check Before you send that message / wall of text / accusation, pause and ask: 1️⃣ Facts vs Story - What did they actually say or do? - What am I adding on top (assumptions, mind-reading, fear)? 2️⃣ State Check - Am I tired, triggered, grieving, or overloaded right now? - Would I still see this the same way after sleep + food? 3️⃣ Missing Data - What do I not know? - Have I asked a simple clarifying question yet, or am I filling in the gaps myself? 4️⃣ Reversibility - If I send this and I’m wrong, can it damage the relationship? - Is there a calmer version that asks, instead of accuses? 5️⃣ Third-Time Rule - Once is confusion. - Twice is a pattern. - A third time is a choice. That you don’t want to repeat.