May '25 • ⭐️ Our Stories
Testimony
What would I say to the little girl I used to be?
Would she be proud of me?
Not the most studious of students.
Dreamy
Secret
So sensitive
Who loved nature and animals so much
Often more than adults
Who loved
Dance and music
This little girl, sometimes mute
This little girl who had grown up and had already experienced the problems of violence
psychological abuse,
the lack of awareness on the part of adults.
This little girl who had already visited the temples and churches of many places and traditions.
This little girl who loved to meditate
And was already in a world of her own to protect herself from the world of grown-ups
This little girl who wrote in notebooks
For want of telling people what she thought
Would she be proud
That I've found her at last
That I keep her close to me
That I remember her light
And that I love her deeply
What would I say to the young girl I used to be?
Would she be proud of me
Such an unconscious girl
So instinctive
So wounded
Who was never afraid to leave
And ended up running away all the time
This young girl who looked for love like we look for air to breathe
But never in the right place
Who had known a failing father
Alcoholic
Violent
Ambiguous
A girl who was gifted in so many ways
But so lacking in self-confidence
Who didn't see herself as others saw her
What would I say to this young adult
Would she be proud of me?
The 19-year-old was already holding a glass of Ayawaska in her hands
On the other side of the globe
Have I assimilated all your teachings, Mother Nature?
What are you doing so far from home, young lady?
This young adult who had almost died in a car accident at age 11
And had to say goodbye to a man who was “like a father to me”.
Because he hadn't survived the shock
Who had witnessed the death of one of one of her sisters at the age of 14
Who died of meningitis
Who had to say goodbye to the family's best friend
Because he hung himself in her bathroom when she was 17.
Who had to say good-bye to a brother taken off the street
Because his wounds bled far too much
Because they made too much noise
And the street ended up taking him back.
She'd had to say good-bye many times before.
Would she be proud of me?
This girl who had to watch one of her sisters wither and wither
To psychiatry
To dementia
To body disfigurement
Who must have felt pain in the flesh
Who hated her whole family so much
Who would have loved to burn it all
To throw it all away
Who sometimes felt the desire to no longer exist
This girl who had her first lovemaking with her cousin
Except my little sister and I didn't want to
But he forced us
My little sister was 5 years younger than me!
This young girl who was raped at 18 by a man 3 times her age
Because one night he made her drink too much
And no adult did anything about it
Would she be proud of me?
She'd learn that our rapist died suddenly just two years ago...
And she'd understand why I was satisfied.
She'd see that I'm no longer ashamed
She'd see that I've taken care of myself
She'd see that I'm no longer desperate for validation from the people in front of me
That I'm learning to respect my choices and my rhythm
That I'm absolutely no longer afraid of being alone
That I've become stronger than ever
She'd see that I take care of my body and mind
That I've finally understood that this is my most precious possession
Sometimes I still get on the wrong train
Don't forget that some parts of me still bleed a little
And would this young mother of 21 be proud of me?
The one who wanted a home
So young
The one who always thought that life begins in reconciliation
The one who just wanted a home
Laughter
And someone to love
She who saw dreams catching up with her
She who loved to write
To philosophize
Singing
Dancing
And love
She who loved mothering
The one who spent hours watching her daughter breastfeed
She'd look at me and understand
I finally made peace with my hypersensitivity
That my psychic abilities didn't make me a monster
Quite the contrary
She'd perceive that I no longer bear the burdens that don't belong to me
That even if sometimes I doubt
That even if sometimes it's hard
I never give up
She'd see that I've worked long and hard
But I've never given up
She'd understand all the times I've fallen
When I almost forgot myself
All the times I thought I was going crazy
All the times I got up when I should have stayed down
I look at her with compassion, this young mother of 21
Who's embarking on an adventure far greater than she realizes
She would understand that I forgave
No matter how hard it was
For all the times I've felt deeply betrayed
For all the times I've felt invaded
For all the disrespect
I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten
Now I'm 34,
I've just opened my own business of sound healing
I've finally brought my music compositions to life
My daughter is 13
I speak 3 languages
Wisdom integrated after many years of spiritual work
Overflowing creativity
Yet this year has not been easy
immeasurable states of fatigue
The feeling of slowly falling into depression at times
And after a fire at home
I lose my instruments
My car gives out on me
And even a certain identity I'd built up until then
I lose almost everything.
Again and again
But it's as if life is telling me
“it's when you've lost everything that you're free to do anything”.
What I've acquired over the years
This powerful strength
This keen intuition
This present clairvoyance
This ability to navigate life's storms
This gentleness that returns
This growing understanding
That calmer outlook on life
This surreal desire to carry on
No one can take that away from me.
I'm a survivor, a warrior, a beacon in the night
A godess
And I'm no longer afraid to say it
And for the first time in my life, I don't want to be my own worst enemy.
We live in a society where failure is seen as just that: failure.
Cold, disappointing
But never as a way of starting over, never as a lesson
Never as a leitmotiv
Never as a means to rebirth
We prioritize safety over what falls and life can teach us
At times when we have little else but ourselves.
A society that emphasizes appearance, a beautiful car, a beautiful statue.
But never emotional intelligence, never really being.
The well-constructed foundations of our inner wealth, our temple
The intelligence that enables us to question what's proposed to us
That lets us debate, even rebel
The light that emanates from all around us.
All our little victories over ourselves,
All our inner struggles
All those victories that are invisible to society, but which have a strong influence on character.
So, in a world where we forget to celebrate even ourselves, for our small victories,
I'm going to take the time to celebrate myself.
And to congratulate myself.
Because I DESERVE it
For all the victories I've had in recent years
I'm proud of myself
For being a woman who undertook
When I had no security
For a woman who put her hands in the soil in Brazil to grow banana trees
Who worked for years in restaurants as a waitress
For a woman who won a promotion in a company after just one year
For a woman who invested in herself
Who paid for training, studied to change her voice and profession
A woman who wrote her own songs
Who gradually picked up an instrument to accompany herself
A woman who honored her history in silence
And who took the time to understand and heal before speaking out
Proud of myself for having always known, despite the difficulties
To find my way home
Despite attacks since childhood
Proud that what should have broken me, broken me forever
only revealed me
Proud that I'm not ashamed to pray
Proud of myself for having understood that I was never alone
And that angelic, benevolent beings have always been with me
Proud
To finally honor my feelings
Proud because I'm a woman full of life
Of talent, of laughter, of beauty
Though the shadows would bury me
I'm proud of myself for loving so much and so ardently
To know how to look at everyone with humanity despite my wounds
I'm proud of myself for having succeeded in developing all this energy
For finding myself, for loving myself
I'm proud of myself for waking up little by little
I'm proud of myself for the mother I am
I'm proud of myself for my inner righteousness when my traumas wanted me
me to do anything
I'm proud of myself for all the negativity and darkness
that I managed to turn into fuel
proud
in recognizing my own complexity
And my own toxicity
Proud of myself for my courage and strength
Proud of myself for always keeping my heart pure
Proud that God always brings me back in the palm of his hand
This is not a personal development text.
It's just a sincere text, and everything I write I live deeply.
It took me a long time to open my mouth
to open my heart
to recognize myself
In the sometimes silent times
When we spread our wings in the desert
Never doubted the power of light
If you need to fall
Fall
But never forget that you have the strength
To rise again
The road back to yourself is a painful one
But it's the one that offers the brightest treasure
That of peace
Children of Light
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Testimony
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