I’m so autistic and that’s okay😂😂😂 My mind works in crazy ways but well I noticed that when I wanna share something knowing that I will click send and people will see it - my mind automatically creates more clarity and flow to whatever is moving internally & it gives me this feeling (for a second) that I have uncovered some new concepts. But actually, I was always aware of those. (Internally, everything makes sense to me. It’s a continuous flow.) Just didn’t necessarily know how to articulate them precisely. I said PRECISELY, not “how to articulate them at all”. Or didn’t need to. Or if I was in a position to do that, I would just come across as dumb because of the simple words, sometimes wrong choice of words that would come out of my mouth. Cause of extreme overload. Not a reflection of my intellect but cause and effect. I do get overloaded more often than other people, and aware others get overloaded and that looks differently than it does for me. Even for me it doesn’t always look the same. I wanted to say that I don’t need to really voice out everything that moves through me and feels that it needs to be heard. But actually… I might need to. Just be precise. And know when it is really worth sharing. Because there’s others who relate and need to hear it. Something might switch inside. And many things can switch when we are relating to one another.

Today I thought that there’s certain things that mirror back to me that I don’t fully trust myself. I thought that is the core of everything in my life. And that is also what most “gurus” would tell me or you. ;) And I wanted to get deeper into that. Alone ofc because I don’t fully trust anyone with my inner world. For now. But something more powerful came into my awareness. Something more nuanced. That makes a huge difference. (you might call that quantum leap. fancy label for just being an aware human being and processing at a high speed most of the time. And ofc once you also integrate, you will attract new different things in your life. It’s very natural and logical) I am not actually lacking trust in myself. It is not a matter of not fully trusting myself. I am losing trust in the old lens that used to guide me. Omfg Let that sink in. 🧘🏻‍♀️ I am someone who struggles to fully trust people. And I have been navigating this. Came to the obvious conclusion that it mirrors me. Right? That’s how things work. Yes. Valid. But… There’s nuances. (my new favorite word now lol) Indeed I am not trusting fully… the old lens. (It’s so extremely trippy how this has showed to me lately. I felt all realities and possibilities at once, right in front of my eyes. It’s like I observed the collision and stayed with my most clear lens now in tge present moment. Thankfully I stayed grounded and navigated the intensity beautifully, now looking back) Indeed this reflects that I also do not fully trust others… Because the world, people are shifting… As we speak. We are in an in-between state. Still shedding last tiny bits of old distortions. But this is less about others now. It is and had always been the inner shifts that cause the ripples. So the focus is on myself. How I relate to others. How I allow myself to connect. How I make peace with big part of my life being also a mission I took on to heal the grids (Even though this very thing I am not best at explaining. As for me it has just been natural, but I have always done more than I gave myself credit for. I have always been more significant than I have seen myself. I am trusted with this big important work and become more and more aware of my role and where I stand. And even though this is not important to me personally, because I know internally the truth and how we are all equally significant - I am learning to accept just being right here and recognising myself more in this little play full of roles. It’s so extremely grounding to accept the absurdity of life and at the same time be rooted in the eternal truth.)

All my insecurities are coming out to the surface. Big time. And there’s this need to prove myself. My capabilities, my intelligence especially. Which does not have to be bad. Using that to learn Dutch. Damn 😅 Crying in the g accent 😭 That’s hard but well waterfalls of new neuronal connections in this brain. Which we love. Learning a new language is just one of the things. Growing is not always pleasant or easy. On another note Recently, a video caught my attention. It was about light and shadow. Exemplified through moving the hand closer and then far away from a source of light. The closer the hand to the source of light, the bigger the shadow. :) So that shows that the closer people are to “enlightenment”, the bigger their shadows are. It’s superiority. Even in preaching that you see all beings as one, that you are not superior to anyone but your privilege actually gives it away. Though, what you do with the privilege makes a complete difference. :) The superiority complex makes so many of the spiritual communities around the world that they are the awakened ones that need to awaken others. That those who are “sleeping” are lost and need saving. Even if this is not portrayed exactly like this. I know that it is hard to not see it that way. Especially when it comes to people who appear extremely unconscious. I know it is hard to not put ourselves into the “hero” roles, especially when we have all what we have into the world. It’s really really dark. (But not just that) And this is a hard pill to swallow, but that’s our superiority complex. Our big shadow reflecting itself back to ourselves. Yes, it all started somewhere. But this superiority complex tells that whatever is not “awake” is inferior. Even if that is not a conscious thought. There is no such thing as something inferior. (No matter how many arguments you might bring to this. And if you don’t, your internalised beliefs show through your actions and patterns. The very observant ones spot it immediately. And yeah, being unusually observant is also a trauma response. Very high sensitivity. Doesn’t mean that what we pick on is not anchored in reality. It absolutely is. We pick on deep layers that would take even hundreds of years of research to be proved, explained, understood)

Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday. May the beautiful day of 28th of Feb be his playground for celebration. May he show you that magic is real and very very logical, explainable but undoubtedly obvious that it’s him BENDING the elements, or actually me with his cooperation 😉 plus points for who loves Avatar the last airbender. May he offer even a second of rest to the doubtful minds (like mine). May he take you by surprise in his cheeky ways. I have been feeling the longest grief. But may tomorrow be the reset day. (Not just for me but for everyone else) He has a flower name. Viorel. 🪻 And he used to bring me sweets in his pocket, all the time. 🫶🏻

If someone asked ‘Who are you?’ and you couldn’t mention about your work, where you’re from, or what you do, what would you say? We all have our default introductions. “Hey, I’m [Name], I work at [Company], and I’m from [Place].” But let’s strip all that away. Now tell me, who are you really? Like, really really? I’ll go first: I’m a constant INFJ-A. (Brownie points if you know what that means.) And if you suddenly feel the urge to take a ridiculously detailed personality test after this, well… my influence is stronger than I thought. A Gen Z adult who dramatically sighs “I don't belong here” at least once in a while. High and lost in book after book, while trying to balance my long walks (minimum 7 km), creatine, and remembering to drink water. (I swear, I’m working on it.) I lose track of time talking about the matrix, spirituality, astral projection, Myers-Briggs, dog behavior, decoding serial killers, and childhood traumas. (The order is not important.) For a whole year, I had no phone. Not by choice. Meeting people felt like living in the 90s, setting a time and place and just hoping no one forgot. It changed the way I experienced everything. (That’s a story for another day.) It's been a year of practising Reiki, figuring out how energy moves through us, around us, and ties everything together in ways we don’t always notice but somehow feel. Now it’s your turn. Introduce yourself without the usual labels. I’m listening!