I am Lica and I have been enlightened since very little (as I feel we all have been but then start to forget because we are “trained” how to be humans). But the difference is that I stayed highly aware, I never forgot. Therefore, I always felt out of place, black sheep, call it whatever you want. I was born in an extremely dysfunctional family, chaotic environment. I experienced abuse of all sorts, to the point that became the “normal” for me. Since very little I felt it was my responsibility to heal my family. Yeah, I had the saviour complex since before I even started to speak. My father was an alcoholic who didn’t go to school, he didn’t know how to read or write. The alcoholism and no education ran in the family. But he was a good man when he was not under the influence. He was a victim. My mother has endured extreme abuse, especially physical. Therefore her dementia and other severe mental illnesses (she has never been diagnosed or treated properly). So having all this, when I was about 6-7, I started to be the parent of my parents. I have never been protected the way a child needs to. I have never been loved any human needs to be loved. For many years of my life I suffered tremendously in all the possible ways - having suicidal thoughts since very young (6-7 y.o), punishing myself, developed high functional depression, extreme social anxiety, distorted body image, self hatred, physical, emotional and verbal abuse daily (that was the normal). And the most tough was that my family was not only dysfunctional but also extremely poor. So during my early years I worked very very hard to have the bare minimum. I know what hunger is, I know what is like to feel cold during the winter and having little to nothing in general. My father passed away in 2014, before my important exams at school. From that point on I was no longer as focused in school. Everything changed. Depression started to deepen, especially because I never thought my dad would pass away fairly young. Highschool was masking my depression, I did not do very well. Only the last two years I started to shift a bit. At home it was chaos, I wanted to drop out, but I was patient till the end.

Does anyone else feel drawn to or connected to animals or a certain animal in some way? For me it's horses...

So through this feminine flow call I felt this deep need for a safe space to express my anger. This deep need of space for the anger of women. I know through all my life I have learned it was not safe to have anger. And Yes we women are soft, compassionate and flowing but also we are explosive and angry. So to the women here and also to the men.. where do you express your anger? Whats your experience with anger in community in connection with others? What are your best experiences? ❣️ added infos: I felt this deep need to express anger in community as women. To shout our souls out of the body (saying in german, don’t know if it works in english 😂) together. Like we often see in men’s retreats where they have these shouting circles or anger expression sessions. Not sure what they are called. Or haka. I just haven’t been in such a women circle before and I felt this need. So I wondered (in tow, my vulnerability with my anger) what do the other people think, have they experienced something like that before in community etc…

So I wanna share something I just observed. I took the challenge and put in effort for lots of vids to actually to look clean on my profile grid. This is just about what it looks like. From my profile it always looked fine. But I just observed that from a different account it all looks super messy, almost every single video. Might be ig glitches, idk honestly. From my account, the “profile grid” view and “reel grid” view are as wide. Lol sometimes it shows that the profile grid view has the videos as squares, it’s so trippy. 😂 But honestly I am annoyed. Even when I purposely put in effort, it still looks like I did not. It kinda gives off the vibe that I am slow and dumb. 😂 Which I clearly am if I am so stubborn to not get the obvious message. 😂 (and no, it’s not external “evil” forces trying to mess with me, to stop me, it’s all working out for me, to detach and cultivate more confidence in who I am, genuine self-love, teaching me patience and much more). But it’s still annoying, I put in effort for quite a few of them. Even while I record and edit, there’s so many trippy things happening 😂 Now I don’t even know what the actual content looks like for others. No matter how much effort I put in, it still looks like it’s all messy, like I didn’t even try much. It’s frustrating. I guess it was not meant to work out for me how I wanted to, not at this point in time. My perspective was always different. And it’s okay. It teaches me so much. I guess for me posting is gonna be strictly for my inner work. And that’s fine. Even this post I couldn’t post and had to rewrite. Regardless, I am forever grateful for any opportunity to connect, that’s what I love. Real, genuine connections. 🙏🏻

Hi Everyone🌟 A few weeks ago, I made a decision. To be here. Fully. To let myself be seen. I kept my old account because this isn’t about starting over—it’s about moving through. Through the fear, the judgment, the eyes of my past. Ironically, I’ve always felt watched. Maybe this was meant to be all along. The last few days, I held myself back. Maybe because a part of me didn’t feel safe. But now that I see it, I won’t let it stop me. If you feel me, let’s connect. And tell me—what’s the first thing you feel when you see my profile? https://www.instagram.com/julinekichni?igsh=MTJuNmdmcGNmbzFraw%3D%3D&utm_source=qr