Breakthrough Story And Why I’m Here With You All
I’ve been sitting and reflecting a lot with the intention of showing up more authentically in this space. Not just as a facilitator but more so as someone walking this path together with everyone. Learning, sharing, pushing past barriers and so I finally want to share a piece of my story, from a place inside me that finally feels safe to be seen. For most of my life (like many of us) I have felt like I dont belong. Growing up I was always too tall, too big, too sensitive, too different. Bullied in school, disconnected and ashamed of my body, constantly morphing myself to be liked. I learnt early on to hide and shrink the parts of me that didn’t fit in, that this was the safest way to exist. As I got older, I searched for belonging through parties, substances, relationships, and performance. From the outside, everything looked good in my life. I traveled, was part of groups of friends, and was out having fun. But inside I felt so lost and scared. I was constantly anxious, felt dark and depressed and had no idea who I really was. completely disconnected. There have been a few different times over the last 15 years where deep rooted and repressed memories and emotions have rose to the surface. And at some point the things I was using to escape and run from what was coming up, stopped working or sent me even further into a terrifying darkness. Patterns kept repeating, and the emptiness I felt was completely swallowing me and my life. It was at a point in 2019 where I was really forced to look at myself and make the decisions to choose myself and my healing. I came home to Ireland, just before covid hit. But it wasn’t just moving back home to my parents, it was the beginning of something a lot deeper. I began to turn to nature. Walking barefoot, crying, singing, sitting. Nature held me when nothing else could. Just being in the hills, in the rain, wind, (sometimes) sun and letting my body feel and start to move everything that I had been holding in and onto. I began deepening my daily practices- breathing, journaling, moving my body and pulling oracle cards. I began expressing my creativity through making, learning and mixing music. Something inside me began to wake up and I began to feel more connected to myself, my life, and the divine.