My Breakthrough Experience · New Earth Community

My Breakthrough Experience

Before

I was an achiever junkie when I was living in Seattle, pouring 10-14 hours daily into my consulting job. I got high on feeling productive. I thrived in filling up free time with exercise, hiking in nature, spending time with my boyfriend, etc. My underlying belief was that devoting more time and energy into my external environment would lead me to discovering my purpose in life. But, the deeper I dove into all those facets, the more unfulfilled and unhappy I felt….

Crisis

I decided to visit a friend who took a leave of absence from our company. Her courage to let go of the things that gave her a sense of security mesmerized me.

That weekend changed my life completely.

I arrived with an insatiable curiosity to learn more about my friend’s new way of life. She shared her wisdom on how programming works through the information we consume, like the news which is controlled by the powers at play. And how the content and message is intentionally designed to make us stay in a fearful state, limiting us to actualize our full potential in life.

I was speechless. Deep down I felt this earth shattering truth. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. A tip that was the catalytic spark for my desire to deconstruct my human conditioning. And rebuild myself from the ground up into the person that I felt like I was meant to be.

So, I opened up to contemplation. I become aware of how all of my beliefs had been programmed by my my family, friends, school, movies, music, podcasts, books. Everything. Unwrapping the layers of my human conditioning like a child with a birthday present. I was both fascinated and terrified to dive into the unknown, but I felt I had no choice. This was the way…

Chase

I turned to podcasts to learn about spirituality, signed up for a course to learn how to meditate, practiced mindfulness, and began journaling how I wanted my life to look like. I felt like I was learning how to walk for the first time. I was transforming from the inside out. I fell in love with the process of getting to know myself. The depth of love and connection that I felt with my heart was undeniable.

My kundalini awakening brought everything to life all around me.

I was seeing life through a child’s eye. My heart ached with love whenever something would come into my awareness. Seriously. Pebbles. Blades of grass. Crows. My kundalini awakening brought everything to life all around me.

However, as I dove deeper within, I struggled to express myself to my partner, friends, and family. I didn’t know how to articulate what I was experiencing and processing with them. Because I felt like I was swimming against the current of all the people that I loved. Everything I was diving into was wildly different than their belief systems. Fear boiled in my blood. I tormented myself with self doubt about speaking my truth. How I no longer resonated with my career, social circles, activities, etc. I didn’t want to be rejected. But I also felt so alive, free, and curious to explore an unconventional path. I followed the societal proclaimed path to success. And it lead to feeling inhumane. So why wouldn’t I let that go?

Conflict

I battled with the idea of leaving my career. I was attached to the security that my $100k+ consulting gig was providing me at 25 year old. I had $20k in savings, and another $50k vested in stocks and 401K. And yet, it still didn’t feel like enough of a cushion to take that leap of faith and trust in the mysteries of life to guide me through. I gave myself grace and decided to take a vacation to Peru with the intention of finding the courage to call quits.

The Universe answered my prayers. I crossed paths with a shaman in the Sacred Valley of Peru. An indigenous man who spent 25 years serving plant medicine in the jungle and was now living in the Andes mountains with his family running a hotel and organic food store. And serving ceremonies for those felt the call of the Spirit of Huachuma, native cactus that has mescaline that is considered a sacred medicine.

At 4000m elevation, during my first ceremony, I felt the presence of Spirit open up to me in everything that was in my awareness. I dropped down to my knees to feel the earth. I felt her warm embrace. I felt so connected to everything. An unprecedented clear voice spoke to me, saying “You know that your job isn’t your job anymore. Let go and trust that you will be supported.” The unwavering support that I felt in that moment was palpable. I felt so held. Like a child being cradled by her mother. I fell down to my knees and started to cry uncontrollably. Waterfalls gushed out of my eyes. For several minutes. Then, the pressure in my chest lifted. My heart swelled with gratitude. My human in shock. Speechless. But the bell of truth rung loudly inside. Vibrating against every cell and fiber of my being. This was the dragon I had to face. Trusting Spirit as my Guide, not society.

This was the way.

Breakthrough

Going into my second Huachuma ceremony, the consciousness of death came knocking at my door. I found out from my childhood friend that her ex-boyfriend was found dead. I was in a state of shock again. He was 25. My age. The truth is that I wasn’t close with her ex-boyfriend, but I still considered him a friend. He grew up with my partner and co-introduced us to each other along side my childhood friend. It felt close to home.

His spirit came to me in my second ceremony. I felt his presence in the clouds, encouraging me to rip the band aid off. If not now, when? That was icing on the cake. Time was too precious to waste running in the hamster wheel of the mind. The heart had to lead the way.

Fast forward 2 months, and it’s official. I’m a free bird. Solo traveling through Europe, attending Tantra festivals to learn a way developing an authentic relationship with myself and other souls. The workshops I attended opened doors to reclaiming my sovereignty, self expression, devotion, and play.

After

I’ve experienced the largest transformation when I chose to follow Spirit’s guidance and climb a steep mountain in Arizona to a ledge where I could face close up the rock formation of Mother Mary with baby Jesus. At these heights, I tasted death. It wrapped around me like a blanket. Spirit led me to the ledge to dance with the energy of death. To bring up all the parts of me that were afraid to trust in the Divine to truly take the reigns. Let go of control. Surrender completely. So I did.

That’s when play really opened up to me. On a way deeper level. I treated every day like an adventure, ones where the mysteries of life would open up the realm of possibilities for me to experience in that moment. It’s been a magical experience to fall in love with life and myself through play. I’d encourage anyone who is just starting our out on their journey to play with the idea of playing in life. There’s an infinite amount of way you can experience life. And there’s no wrong way to channel that creative energy.

There's so much more that I stand by. Sovereignty. Service. Devotion.

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