2d • Free Series
Training Week: Day 4 Post 2: Train them how to handle “no”
A lot of us keep correcting the meltdown, the attitude, the whining, the begging, and the disrespect that comes after we say no.
But have we trained our children how to receive “no”?
Because “no” is not abuse.“No” is not rejection.“No” is not you being mean.“No” is not the end of love.
“No” is a boundary.
And children need to be trained on what to do when they don’t get the answer they wanted.
So instead of only saying:
“Stop crying.”“Stop begging.”“Don’t talk back.”“Why are you acting like that?”
Train the response.
You can say:
“I know you don’t like my answer. You can be disappointed, but you cannot be disrespectful.”
Then teach them what to do next.
1. Name the feeling
“I’m mad.”“I’m sad.”“I’m disappointed.”“I wanted a yes.”
2. Respect the answer
“The answer is no.”“I don’t have to like it, but I do have to respect it.”
3. Calm the body
Take a breath.Walk away.Sit down.Get quiet for a moment.
4. Try again with respect
“Okay, Mom.”“Can I ask again another time?”“I’m disappointed, but I understand.”
This is training.
Not giving in because they cried.
Not arguing because they begged.
Not changing the answer because they got loud.
Training.
Because if our children cannot handle “no” at home, the world will not be gentle teaching it to them later.
They need to learn:
I can be disappointed and still be respectful.I can feel upset and still obey.I can want something and still accept a boundary.I can hear “no” and not fall apart.
And parents, we have to model this too.
When God tells us no, do we tantrum in our own way?
Do we complain?Do we rush ahead?Do we get bitter?Do we stop praying?
Sometimes we are asking children to handle “no” better than we handle it with God.
So today, train it.
When your child asks for something and the answer is no, don’t just drop the no and walk away.
Say:
“I’m going to help you practice receiving no.”
Then use this script:
“I’m disappointed, but I can handle no.”
Have them repeat it.
They’re learning emotional strength.
Question for today:
What does your child usually do when they hear “no”?
A. Cry
B. Beg
C. Argue
D. Get an attitude
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Training Week: Day 4 Post 2: Train them how to handle “no”
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