Weekly Scorecard - rollercoaster

This week I struggled. Everything got blurry within me. I caught myself jumping back into small patterns and got really resentful towards me. Luckily the change I initiated before carried me and my partner did not exploit my „weaker state“. On the contrary he started doing small things for me which is a lot for him- keeping his illness in mind.

And I allowed to receive. Also I got wonderful compliments about my „beautiful energy/charisma“ this week … I have no clue how on earth they could see that 😅 as I felt like crap and didn’t „perform“. But maybe that’s exactly why it was sincere and clear and still shining. maybe just a little more quiet ;).

Anyway: I did have trouble taking up space. Not jumping back into old patterns and having enough time to feel what is actually happening within me. To much going on on the outside - too little time in quiet to recalibrate and refocus.

I even caught myself that my over-giving pattern puts on a new costume and wants to „over validate“ when my partner now starts doing things for himself that I didn’t do and that I also didn’t manage him to do …. Which (normally) should be the bare minimum. I realized that my pattern wants to secure that „positiv development“ by reinforcing it with validation. So that it stays. But that’s NOT MY fu**** JOB. If this is genuin development for him and us it should stay without me doing anything for that despite saying: thank you.

This week I want to refocus!

Dare to take space.

Give myself a break somehow. Ask myself what I NEED. And make room for that. As I am terribly tired.

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Weekly Scorecard - rollercoaster