First post · High Vibe Tribe

Apr '24 • Shadow work/innerChild Healing

First post

Hey guys! I’m so grateful to be here. I haven’t made a post yet so here is one and it’s a bit heavy. It may sound negative but i really just want to get everything out.

I’ve been feeling so stuck. I’m 21, and have been on a personal development journey since I was around 16–17. There are improvements for sure but I just feel like I’m dealing with the same issues and going around in circles. I feel like no personal development trick or healing method works for me. It could help release some emotion but the deeper pain, triggers, fears, thought patterns are still there. While I do hope and intend that this course will be the course that changes things for me, a part of me doubts that I could ever change. Maybe I’m too attached to my sadness. But I don’t want to be. I want to let go and just be free. I want to express myself freely and build a business where I serve people.

Now to get a bit more specific… ever since I was little I created imaginary worlds for me to escape to. I first created them to literally help me fall asleep since I had bad insomnia. And over time, that took up the majority of my waking hours. Instead of playing with other kids or paying attention in school, I would just live in my imaginary world. And my imaginary world is basically me having a loving home life with loving parents. It was a way to fill that need. It felt so real. Of course, after years of living this way, I realized that I couldn’t be present in my real life, and that caused a lot of pain. I felt so lonely. I felt like I wasn’t living at all. And when I finally hit rock bottom, I decided I couldn’t live that way and I started at first with educating myself on how I got to that point. I think I have a lot of self awareness but I don’t think it’s enough. I still have those toxic imaginations, when I walk in the streets, when I converse with others, when I first wake up in the morning. I just don’t know what to do anymore

Anyways, thank you so much for reading this. I appreciate you. I don’t mean to put out bad energy. I just want my pain to live outside of myself and give myself space for something new to come in ✨

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