Day 9 · High Vibe Tribe

Day 9

I had a health thing to deal with, so I am a bit behind in reporting. I am contemplating the Values/Standards/Boundaries list. Some of my values are integrity, honesty, forthrightness, trustworthiness, gentleness, patience. Corresponding boundaries are: I keep my word. I tell the truth quicker. I do not hold back essential information. I do what I said I would. I respect people's current internal situation. I respect the right moment.

Boundaries have felt very difficult for me. My dad and stepmom had very strict boundaries and no handbook published, so we found another boundary after we stumbled through yet another emotional landmine. The scathing that followed insured I had no boundary in that relationship. Nothing about me was held sacred or honored. The flamethrower was thorough and indiscriminate. Even reading books on boundary setting later on made no dent on my emotional mind. Today I understand my boundaries are what I need to feel safe and in integrity with myself. They are not meant as rules for others to follow if they want a relationship with me. They are about my "container," about what works for me or doesn't work for me. This gives others the space to be themselves and for me to be in my energy, offering respect, co-connecting.

You will notice there are no "standards" mentioned. I must not understand what Aaron is getting at here. It sounds like these are the demands I make of others. One of my values is to make as few as possible demands on others. Having lived in a hyper-demanding adult environment as a kid, I understand that as a strategy to drive the other person away. Who wants to live in an atmosphere of emotional intolerance? It wasn't fun for me. And who really wants to make another's life so miserable that they'll slink away and not come back? I've had enough of emotionally toxic relationships, thank you. So, I guess I need more information on what Aaron means by standards. I apply them to myself. They are my values and my boundaries. I want to respect others to figure that out for themselves. For me these are the sacred guidelines we figure out for ourselves to live the life we value and bring to our relationships our sacred selves. I've found the universe will sort out the details and the right person will show up for a wonderful experience of each other that is not to be missed. Open to further understanding...

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