The love between two people, the so-called romantic relationship, can vary greatly from moment to moment. Sometimes it is fully present, everything seems to be going perfectly, and the love radiates far beyond you. But sometimes it is subject to all kinds of triggers and old wounds being touched, and struggles to penetrate the person themselves. It feels as if it is no longer there, that the love has disappeared. Instead of love, you feel anger and frustration towards the other person. You feel misunderstood, that the other person is not taking you into account; you feel alone in the relationship. You mainly place the blame on the other person, because you know that you really are doing your best. What people often do when discussions or disagreements arise, especially when old wounds are touched, is talk at one another instead of engaging in a dialogue. Like two fists boxing against each other instead of clasping hands. Intense emotions take over and manifest primarily in everything the other person is doing wrong. In this way, the disagreement is not truly addressed or resolved. Therefore, there is a high chance that it will repeat itself. What people often forget is to express how they feel about the situation, what it does to them, and what it touches in them, without immediately pointing the finger at the other person. That is quite difficult to do, because it would mean looking at your own wounds and daring to talk about them as well. Which is very scary, because it requires making yourself vulnerable, which in turn requires feeling safe enough with the other person. Which is, of course, difficult in a situation where you feel misunderstood. And often, when there are intense emotions, it is much harder to return to your own place of safety. And when people are accused of something, they are quick to go on the counter-attack or defensive. It requires a great deal of calm, self-insight, and a willingness to deal with this in a good, constructive way. But most importantly, it is to talk about this with your partner—openness and honesty about yourself and about where your fears, triggers, and wounds lie. About what you feel when certain situations arise. In the beginning, it can be difficult to do this during a disagreement; try to find a moment when you are both a bit calmer and more centered. Above all, do not think, "Let it go”, because it will just keep building up. When you do talk about it, tell your partner what touches it and why. And when your partner speaks, try to really listen, give the other person real space without reacting immediately, offering solutions, or judging. If there is room to respond, respond from compassion and understanding, and ask questions when something isn't entirely clear. And of course, it may happen that you don't fully understand it because it doesn't apply to you personally, but do take it seriously.

We are all unique in who we are, or so it is always said. But is this really true? As described in earlier posts about being stuck in the ego and emptiness, the so-called ‘self’ has been discussed: what is it and how is it formed. We often seek out people around us with whom we share the same views, interests, etc. And we connect with them through a more similar energy or, conversely, a more opposite one, so that the other can fill our shortcomings. We form our groups with more like-minded people. This sounds logical, self-evident, and authentic, and creates connection. Which, on the one hand, it is, but if we look a little further and deeper, it turns out not to be the case at all. For those shared interests, views, etc., stem from the formed 'self', the ego, with all our formed opinions, views, and preferences. So, we are actually connecting at the level of the formed ‘self’, the ego, the untrue self. So, how pure and authentic is it really? If we then look back at the concept of emptiness. That which is within each of us and which is the same within each of us. That from which everything originates: the piece of the universe, God, consciousness within us. The empty vessel with which you are born as a baby, pure and completely blank. That which connects us all and everything on a very deep level. Connecting based on ego is, of course, very pleasant on a more superficial level. But on a deeper level, this simultaneously causes separation. Separation from yourself, but also separation from everything else. If you extend this to your environment and on a global level, you quickly see the consequences: being different, forming groups, making distinctions based on views, opinions, preferences, appearance, etc. And the suffering this causes in the world. Connecting with people from and with that emptiness, that is where the deepest and purest connection takes place. When you meet someone, try to look beyond the formed ‘ego’ and try to see the pure emptiness of yourself in the other.