6d • General discussion
Love and romantic relationships
The love between two people, the so-called romantic relationship, can vary greatly from moment to moment. Sometimes it is fully present, everything seems to be going perfectly, and the love radiates far beyond you. But sometimes it is subject to all kinds of triggers and old wounds being touched, and struggles to penetrate the person themselves. It feels as if it is no longer there, that the love has disappeared. Instead of love, you feel anger and frustration towards the other person. You feel misunderstood, that the other person is not taking you into account; you feel alone in the relationship. You mainly place the blame on the other person, because you know that you really are doing your best.
What people often do when discussions or disagreements arise, especially when old wounds are touched, is talk at one another instead of engaging in a dialogue. Like two fists boxing against each other instead of clasping hands. Intense emotions take over and manifest primarily in everything the other person is doing wrong. In this way, the disagreement is not truly addressed or resolved. Therefore, there is a high chance that it will repeat itself. What people often forget is to express how they feel about the situation, what it does to them, and what it touches in them, without immediately pointing the finger at the other person. That is quite difficult to do, because it would mean looking at your own wounds and daring to talk about them as well. Which is very scary, because it requires making yourself vulnerable, which in turn requires feeling safe enough with the other person. Which is, of course, difficult in a situation where you feel misunderstood. And often, when there are intense emotions, it is much harder to return to your own place of safety. And when people are accused of something, they are quick to go on the counter-attack or defensive. It requires a great deal of calm, self-insight, and a willingness to deal with this in a good, constructive way.
But most importantly, it is to talk about this with your partner—openness and honesty about yourself and about where your fears, triggers, and wounds lie. About what you feel when certain situations arise. In the beginning, it can be difficult to do this during a disagreement; try to find a moment when you are both a bit calmer and more centered. Above all, do not think, "Let it go”, because it will just keep building up. When you do talk about it, tell your partner what touches it and why. And when your partner speaks, try to really listen, give the other person real space without reacting immediately, offering solutions, or judging. If there is room to respond, respond from compassion and understanding, and ask questions when something isn't entirely clear. And of course, it may happen that you don't fully understand it because it doesn't apply to you personally, but do take it seriously.
If you can engage in conversation in that way, you will see that you grow closer. The wounds each of you carries can be expressed in a safe and pleasant manner, and besides healing your own wounds, you can also heal wounds together and break patterns and conditionings. For ultimately, love has simply always remained present, but has been hidden temporarily beneath layers of pain and old wounds.
Love between people can be the most beautiful and wonderful thing there is, but also the most painful and sometimes even the cruelest. The more you love someone, the more that person can hurt and cause you pain. That is why some people who have had multiple romantic relationships choose to remain single. They have experienced so much pain and sorrow, which has had such a profound impact on them, that they are turning it down. On the one hand, being alone is just lonely and boring, but on the other hand, it is also incredibly safe. No intense feelings and emotions, no rollercoaster experiences; you don't have to talk about your traumas and wounds and be vulnerable. Everyone knows a few such people around them, or perhaps you are that person yourself. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but deep down, many of those people would still like to have a partner. And there certainly will be people who are truly happy and content alone and fully enjoy life.
But for that other group, I would advise becoming more aware of your patterns and underlying traumas. Try to find space to analyze and break through them. What you will notice then is that you start to feel more relaxed and gain more self-confidence. You will radiate a different energy and, as a result, attract other people with a more similar energy. This significantly increases the chance that the relationship will be more pleasant and a less intense experience.
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Love and romantic relationships
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