Questions! · Family Mastery Academy

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Questions!

Hey everyone! I won't see you tonight as it is my bedtime! But I will see you all next Saturday. I will catch up on the recordings though. I am going to copy and paste my answers to the questions below. I would love to know what each of you has said for the advice you would give to parents. I am putting them way down in the post because I know people will want to do their own before seeing mine!

I am loving the programme so far, I was with a close friend yesterday who has been a social worker, senior social worker, IRO (Independent review officer for looked after children), complaints invigilator for councils and LADO (local authority designated officer - she gets to decide if people are ever allowed to work with children again if there has been a safeguarding issue). and she also trains people on safeguarding. Anyway... she had a really traumatic upbringing and knew her mum was (is) narcissistic but I was able to talk to her about the different types of parental narcissism and the impacts each can have on the children. It was no surprise to realise her Mum is victim narcissist which probably explains why we are so close in a way because we understand the impact that can have on us well into our lives (she is 57).

I am also loving the way you can use the language with people who are alongside you (in my case my family members) as ways of expressing needs without it being taken as personal or critical so I think once you have that shared vocabulary it makes everything so much easier!

In terms of my niche I am already seeing that a session/webinar on structure, flow and different types of narcissism would be really good for foster parents and for care experienced young people. The first pillar of my offer is "Understand" (yourself and others) and I can see how it would slot right into that!

Anyway, thanks Adena you are truly a force of nature, and thanks to everyone in this group I am really grateful to be here with you all at this momentous point in time.

Tiara questions

Name six differences between the DSM model and the Attunement Model of Care.

Mental health issues are not pathologised in attunement
No one is disordered - we are all on a stress continuum and “symptoms” are signals that the environment needs to be attuned
The children are not the problem
All mental health issues are relational and not simply about an individual
Mental health issues are not static, they are dynamic, and can be reversed, not just treated.
DSM is reactive (based on symptoms) rather than proactive (getting to underlying causes).

What are the three principles of the Attunement Model of Care?

Roles are important - nurturers and receivers
Geometry - the infrastructure of the family unit is key (upside down table!)
Enmeshment (narcissism)
Flow

What are the two types of flow in the Attunement Model of Care?

Bilateral
Unilateral

What are the two types of ecosystems in the Attunement Model of Care?

Extractive
Infinity

Name the steps involved in the Anger Protocol.

State desire to connect to other person
Ask permission to express anger
Work with other person to reach a solution going forward

According to the Attunement Model of Care, what is the primary cause of child mental illness?

An un-attuned environment

What are the three steps in attunement?

Depersonalise
Decode
Nurture

What outcomes are seen in an attuned relationship?

Reversal of mental health issues

What advice would you give a parent who experiences anxiety or anger? That anxiety and anger tell us that the parent is not getting their nurturance. I would say there is no shame in the fact that they have anxiety or anger, that those emotions are a signal that something needs addressed. I would tell them that they do have control over how they respond to situations, and that when they are able to settle their nervous system they will be less reactive and more able to nurture their children. I would say that it is amazing that they want to work on the anxiety and anger so they don’t repeat un-attuned patterns that they themselves may have grown up in and that showing up for your child, really being curious and listening to your child is what is important.
What are the three types of parental narcissism?