Day 4 Awareness strengthening · Aligned & Magnetic

Day 4 Awareness strengthening

I left work in a bad mood after security stopped me, saying I didn’t have permission to bring my phone inside, even though I followed every procedure. They wrote an incident report, which upset me because my employer has lied and tried to manipulate me into working beyond my restrictions before. My specialist also tried to convince me I was fine when my toe was still crushed, and I later found out they withheld X-rays and results. I know I’ve been followed and investigated, and while I understand they don’t want people abusing the system, it makes me feel unsafe when I did everything right and people still worked against me.

It left me angry and scared because I know they may try to get rid of me, and I don’t want this to be the reason. On the drive home, I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions until I calmed down listening to music, and seeing a deer helped ground me. I reminded myself that everything will be okay and that I’ll get my justice.

It’s frustrating because I can’t do much except stay calm, do the right thing, and not let the injustice get to me. But I hate being taken advantage of. I’m a nice person, but I’m not afraid to defend myself. I feel like I was made for war but meant to love, and having to hold back that instinct is hard. But if I want true justice, I have to stay disciplined and do everything the right way.

I did my first 5 minutes of awareness. I still feel tensed. I'm too aware. I'm slowly beginning to loosen up but not quite relaxed. At this point, I feel like I'm forcing myself to keep my eyes shut. I realize I can't exactly trust someone, due to who they're affiliated with and spoke of great respect, which that person wasn't someone who was helpful in the beginning of my situation.

I'm worried my 5 minutes will end before I can truly feel okay. I have this burning sensation on my face, a feeling similar to getting a tattoo down both sides of my nose, starting from my eyes to my cheek. Time is up.

So my alarm goes off, and I write down my thoughts, and then I begin my last 5 minutes. What better thing to focus on than “everything is going to be all right,” which was something I thought on my drive but was having a hard time maintaining. “Everything is going to be all right. Everything is going to be all right.” My left ear feels pressure. “I will receive my true justice. I will receive my true justice. I will receive my true justice,” but these phrases just aren't hitting me the way I'd want them to. Even though I'm focusing on them, I feel like I'm having a hard time believing them. I feel as if I am in limbo.

But that changed. “I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay” was something that actually sent shockwaves through my body. That feeling of security and truth — and writing this down — made it 3 times better.

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