Hello I'll just reaching out for a little bit of support I'm very emotional today between finishing the 5-day challenge yesterday and all the answers and information that I received has made me very emotional and although I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother and it being Mother's Day all the more reason to be emotional I guess I have four biological children and one adopted son and I got to see two of my kids today so that was good! But just everything is on overload the grieving and the self-discovery and the information I received is just a lot and not to mention I'm sunburned really badly from doing some work and for my living situation which you know I talked about briefly last week and now I'm in a lot of pain so the RA loves the heat but the lupus doesn't so it's kind of like a battle there it's just a lot so just going through a lot of emotions today and that's all just looking for a little bit of support!

When I gave up being mean to myself AND reaching for perfection 7wks ago, EVERY thing seemed to change. The shift in my patience, self compassion, self acceptance and self love, was palpable. My joy skyrocketed. I’ve never experienced so many successes in such a short period, sooo fkg CONSISTENTLY. But… and… It all seemed to come crashing down in the last 2days. It started with the fall of EACH ball (of many) I was successfully juggling for weeks on end. It was easy to have compassion for each dropped (and ultimately they ALL fell) ball until… this past Saturday. Saturday was: -My 54th birthday AND -My youngest daughters graduation from College Graduations (over the last several years since my husband & I separated) have Not been the joyous occasion they were supposed to be for me. And… Without going into the gritty details of my 20yr marriage, my adult ADD & low self esteem and worth had me behaving in ways that were not helpful, kind or considerate in those 20yrs. Bad choices were made. All of which affected everyone, but mostly my husband. We had a parent/child dynamic that was destructive and EVEN after lots of time alone, lots of healing and tons of shadow work (and 3x more that we tried again to make it work😓 since separating 7yrs ago), I occasionally continue to be reduced to a child in his presence, ESPECIALLY if he’s not putting up his emotional boundaries and not really be behaving like himself. This past wkd was ‘The Perfect Storm’ of events. The combination of: -Me having recently dropped ALL the balls I was so successfully juggling for WEEKS😢 -The Emotional event of my baby gurl graduating college -Me turning 54 (and Historically feeling like a failure and INCREDIBLY BEHIND with reaching my goals as a successful healer and coach). And… -Ex-husband behaving like a stranger (impatient , short, quiet, easily frustrated- at yet another graduation😢) bc of his unresolved emotions. Whose energy and behavior just reminds me of what a horrible human I was at times.

I was shuffling through an old deck of tarot cards earlier this morning before calling a client, and I happened upon this card, “Mind” aka “Page of Clouds” in the OSHO ZEN tarot deck. And it was so triggering. It’s uncomfortable, even today, to look at, bc I so easily see myself and the struggles and the suffering I experienced throughout my life bc of the way I think and move in the world. I feel certain that I am in good company and that those of you here in this ADHD Harmony container will also see yourselves in this image. However… (after all we’ve each learned about ourselves) I ALSO Hope you will see this as the past and NOT apart of your future!!😌 This container and 5day event has been super helpful. I am grateful to have been able to participate with you all. And I look forward to connecting and navigating the platform until Jim closes it on Fri. I truly hope you all found missing pieces you never even knew you needed, from this Free 5day event. And I pray that you (AND those who paid for the 6wk program) take this opportunity, your new found gifts, and deep insights and turn it into gold. Much love, light, peace and power to you on your path♥️

This morning was GREAT! Woke up early! Able to sit on Clifford, my big red chair and just think about my morning. Stretched, showered (with a cold burst), brushed my teeth, washed my face and applied lotion, did my makeup, and hair AT HOME!!! I didnt know people even did those things at home. I thought they were all ment for the car (well except the shower). Got my lunch ready and still out the door 9 min early.

Does anyone else SHOULD themselves to Death ? I should be better at this, I should be smarter, I should finish this or that, I should be doing this or finishing that project. I should be making more money, I should have this organized, or that. is it guilt or shame? ugh .... How does this show up in life? ADHD ? problems???