A client asked me recently, “If I love my partner, then why am I not happy?” This question struck me as it goes deeper than love alone. You see, even when love is there, it can get meshed with our old wounds from the past. And if those old wounds aren’t healed, then it’s difficult to be who we really want to be in the present. It’s why you can care deeply for someone and still carry loneliness inside. It’s why moments of affection can still feel empty. It’s why being “loved” doesn’t always mean feeling fully seen. Because love alone doesn't erase patterns we've built over years; patterns of keeping quiet, patterns of keeping small, or patterns of choosing peace over honesty. Happiness in a relationship isn't just about loving someone, it's about feeling safe to be fully yourself with them. Without that, love can feel like it’s missing something essential. And if you've spent a lifetime without breaking the old patterns it will mean that even the warmest love can feel like it's missing something. Breaking those patterns isn’t easy. It asks us to risk discomfort, to use our voice when silence feels safer, and to choose truth even when it feels uncertain. But this is the path to bringing your full self into a relationship. Because only when you allow yourself to be fully seen can you experience love that feels whole. Ask yourself if you’re showing up as all of who you are here or are you still living inside the old patterns?

My name is charlotte I'm new here i am hoping to connect with people and learn more

It seems harmless at first… You let something slide because you don’t want to start a fight, or you stay quiet to “protect” your relationship. In those moments, avoiding conflict feels like the right choice. Why rock the boat, right? But here’s what actually happens… The issue doesn’t get resolved :-( And you feel a little less connected to your partner. You see, every time you avoid bringing up an issue, it’s like putting another brick in the invisible wall between you and your partner. I completely understand why you might think you’re protecting your relationship by doing it. But that wall is blocking the very intimacy your relationship needs to thrive. So if you continue to avoid conflict to keep the peace, you’ll end up less connected because nothing gets resolved. And it you keep avoiding it then that emotional distance will quietly grow…. Romantic feelings then begin to fade... And soon, you avoid even more, because you don’t feel in love anymore. Avoiding conflict is basically a silent relationship killer. But know this… The very thing you’re avoiding is the exact doorway back into closeness.

What’s one non-negotiable value you believe every healthy relationship must have?

The relationships your see online aren’t real. The highlight reels… The picture-perfect captions The curated smiles… They’re not real relationships. They’re presentations. And if you spend your life chasing what looks perfect, you’ll miss out on what’s actually real. Here’s the truth… Nobody is perfect. Not you, not them, not anyone. We’re all just humans; trying, failing, learning, and growing. So if you’re waiting for perfection, you’ll wait forever with a list of impossible expectations. A true relationship isn’t about finding someone flawless. A true relationship is about building something meaningful with a person who is imperfect… Imperfect but present. Someone who makes mistakes, while also standing by you when it’s hard, listening when you’re quiet, and not leaving when things get messy. Because at the end of the day, connection is always greater than perfection. A polished image might fade, but the person who knows your scars and still chooses to stay… That’s rare. And that’s real. So don’t throw away something meaningful just because it isn’t perfect. Sometimes the cracks are where the growth happens, where trust deepens, and where the real foundation is built. If you’re ever thinking about giving up, ask yourself: Is it truly broken? Or are you chasing an illusion? Remember, real relationships aren’t perfect… But they’re worth it.