I was coaching someone recently, and they told me something that’s been sitting with me… Each time their partner shared what was bothering them, they felt themselves pulling away. Sometimes they would shut down. Sometimes they would get defensive. And what was happening was they were leaving their partner feeling like their emotions were too much, to the point where their partner was feeling like they were too much. But what if there was a different perspective? Imagine this… What if you’re sitting across from your partner who loves you. Their voice is calm. Their hands are still. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re just trying to be understood. They want you to see them. They want you to really see them. Not as dramatic or overly sensitive, but as a person who’s genuinely trying to explain how they feel. When they speak up, it isn’t because they want to start a fight. It’s because they’re hurting and can’t think of any other way to say it. And what if you heard it differently too? What if you heard it for what it was, not an attack but an invitation… An invitation into the places that are the deepest inside of them. All they want is to feel like their feelings matter to you. That they matter to you, even when they’re not smiling or easy to be around. They love you. They value what you have. That’s why they bring up the hard things. They don’t do it to create tension. They do it to create closeness. They don’t want to argue. They just want to be heard. Really heard. It made me wonder how often we miss this in our own relationships, mistaking a plea for connection as a reason to defend ourselves... What are your thoughts?

Here’s a gentle, uncomfortable consideration to sit with… How much of your relationship is really about you? Your needs. Your view. Your comfort. And how often do you truly see your partner? It’s normal to default to our own perspective and only see our own point of view. But sometimes we can get so caught up in our own perspective that we don’t really see our partner’s. And when that becomes habit… …it quietly erodes connection. Working through that and getting to a place where you understand that you've been more selfish is a crucial part of any relationship. It's hard for all of us to acknowledge that, to take on that less attractive part of ourselves. But ultimately, it's where your relationship will flourish. If you want something practical steps to help, try pausing before you make choices that affect both of you and actually ask. Practice reflecting back what your partner says before responding. And if you find yourself realizing you’ve put yourself first… Name it. Apologize for it. And take reparative action. These aren’t dramatic fixes; they’re just steady habits you can use to rebuild connection.

...if you let go of what's holding you back?

The relationships your see online aren’t real. The highlight reels… The picture-perfect captions The curated smiles… They’re not real relationships. They’re presentations. And if you spend your life chasing what looks perfect, you’ll miss out on what’s actually real. Here’s the truth… Nobody is perfect. Not you, not them, not anyone. We’re all just humans; trying, failing, learning, and growing. So if you’re waiting for perfection, you’ll wait forever with a list of impossible expectations. A true relationship isn’t about finding someone flawless. A true relationship is about building something meaningful with a person who is imperfect… Imperfect but present. Someone who makes mistakes, while also standing by you when it’s hard, listening when you’re quiet, and not leaving when things get messy. Because at the end of the day, connection is always greater than perfection. A polished image might fade, but the person who knows your scars and still chooses to stay… That’s rare. And that’s real. So don’t throw away something meaningful just because it isn’t perfect. Sometimes the cracks are where the growth happens, where trust deepens, and where the real foundation is built. If you’re ever thinking about giving up, ask yourself: Is it truly broken? Or are you chasing an illusion? Remember, real relationships aren’t perfect… But they’re worth it.

This might not sound popular… And some might say it’s a little harsh… But the reality is, when you find it hard to let go of something that happened in the past, it’s usually because you’re getting something out of it in the present. This is especially true in relationships. Holding on to a “victim story” can give you attention, compassion, sympathy, even entitlement or self-righteousness. And while those things may feel comforting, they also keep you from the love and joy you really want. The truth is, you can’t step fully into freedom and lasting connection while still clinging to the old story. At some point, you have to decide what matters more… Do you want to keep the comfort of the familiar? Or do you want to open yourself to the happiness waiting on the other side? When you let go, you stop surviving your story and start living your life. So let me ask you, what story might you be ready to release?