The KEY ingredient to deep healing and transformation?
When I was studying Contemplative Psychology, I wrote many, many papers. Hundreds probably. But one of them, I remember to this day. I studied a lot of different therapeutic modalities...psychoanalysis, Jungian dream analysis, Gestalt Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Person-Centered Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Family Systems, and more. I was curious about what made therapy effective or not. This paper that I remember delved into this topic...what is the most effective kind of therapy for healing and transformation? I learned that any therapy can be quite effective for healing and transformation, as long as the therapist provides this one ingredient. What is this ingredient, you might be wondering? It's called Unconditional Positive Regard. It means the therapist holds a space full of empathy, compassion, and a loving regard towards their client, no matter what stories they hear, or what kind of guilt and shame the client might be holding. The beauty of Unconditional Positive Regard is that we are able to give it to ourselves as well! We don't need to wait for a therapist or friend or family member to hold that space for us, although it's wonderful to have a person like that in our lives. We can also give ourselves Unconditional Positive Regard. Like most other things, the more we practice Unconditional Positive Regard, the better we get at it! I've seen a few people move through my group and within weeks start a journey of transformation, with the slightest nudge...a one-on-one meeting, attending a few group support meetings, doing Hypno Health, reading my book. There are two things these folks had in common, as I reflect on this dynamic... 1.) A readiness for change and transformation, a feeling of commitment for doing whatever it takes to create change, as long as it felt right and good to them. 2.) A strong, internal sense of self-love and compassion for what they've been through and where they wanted to go, in other words... Unconditional Positive Regard for themselves!