Catherine - I need your input please · Parenting Adult Children Today

Catherine - I need your input please

Catherine - I am going to bare my soul here. I’m truly wondering as I’m moving through the PACT content if this program can address the complex issues within my family. I shared my concern with the onboarding individual I spoke with, and she assured me that it would.

Firstly, I am separated from my spouse of 37 years due to a very unhealthy relationship I stayed with for religious reasons and was not able to leave until I was able to address religious trauma and deconstruct. My children experienced a very dysfunctional / unhealthy upbringing due to the religion. My “spouse” is very manipulative with my children, and I was labeled the “bad one” for leaving. Someone had to “stop the insanity” and chaos.

I mentioned in the PACT call this evening that my daughter has been married to a Russian orphan for 15 years who has caused significant issues in our family dynamic over the years. We have shown him compassion and grace, and he has done nothing but take advantage of our kindness and patience. HIs own adopted family has not had contact with him for many years due to his behaviors. He has worked very hard to attempt to isolate our daughter from us and has had periods of success in doing so.

I very much want to have a healthy relationship with her, and the request from her is “to let the past be the past”. This has been an ongoing pattern as his behavior patterns continue repeatedly, so “the past” consists of 15 years including recent events. He is resistant to treatment, and my daughter has to carry all the responsibilities, as he can’t hold a job and doesn’t work … staying home smoking weed and playing video games. She has stated off and on that she is going to divorce him and doesn’t follow through. She has done therapy and various healing modalities and continues to be manipulated by him.

I have been estranged from my oldest son from a teen marriage for over 6 years now. He is an abusive man, and his children have suffered significant trauma. One of his children died due to his negligence. I have no confidence that my relationship with my grandchildren can be restored as he has turned my grandchildren who I once had a very close relationship with against my family.

All of these issues have impacted my two youngest children very significantly as well. I have been in therapy and embraced various healing modalities for many years and have already incorporated many of the skills that are covered in PACT … Pause, Acceptance, Release, etc. I have worked so incredibly hard to keep my family intact and became very physically sick with a significant adrenal crash due to the stress.

My “spouse” and I are unable to get on the same page as he continues in the religious mindset and is patriarchal culturally as well as religiously. Please help me to understand if there is a point where enough is enough and too much is too much? I just feel like all my efforts are in vain. In viewing this material, I’m just beginning to believe that there is too much water under the bridge.

Please give me some guidance here Catherine. I am starting to once again experience symptoms of an adrenal crash. Thank you.

0 comments