Hello, I was encouraged to write something to the Community section. I'm new and quite nervous to post things so publicly. We live in a small, rural town where gossip can do wonders (in that people care) as well as damage. I don't ever want to say something that makes it harder for our 3 angry children to heal and be open to talking with us again. I also never spend this kind of money on myself and we aren't rich people. We had 8 children. Our 22 year old died of cancer June 4, 2025, one day after our grandson's first birthday and 2 days before my birthday. Meagan was a uniquely positive person that focused on helping others as a 911 dispatcher and friend to so many. She was huge in our community. But her attitude made it easier to accept how God might be working through even this. One of our adult children got mad at us at the funeral and 2 brothers decided to join her in not speaking to us and assuming the worst about us. How can we know what is the problem or explain our perspectives if we can't talk? There is one child in the home and the other 3 adult children all have come to talk with us and understand things, but our angry daughter's home is where "whatever" can happen, so they go there instead of to us. The oldest prefers to stay out of all of it. Our family is so fractured right now, but honestly, we were starting to have some communication issues as they graduated every 2 years (I've been hard of hearing but now have cochlear implants so now can use the phone but struggle to know what to say if I call). I have struggled to accept their choices (living together, drinking, etc), and make small talk and I think that's something I have to work on from MY perspective, not to fix them. Our church, which we've been so committed to for so many years became horrendous when a new pastor determined to clean up membership roles just as our adult children were dealing with their sister dying. My husband as an elder fought against removing the 3 (now mad) children from the roles since they weren't attending there anymore, but IDK if they know that. We told the one who had a child, but the other 2 won't even talk.

Catherine shared , "Healthy Assertiveness is having clarity" she asked us to rate our assertiveness on a scale from 0-10, thinking of a conversation we had with our Adult child. Where we would be on the scale and where do we think they are on that same scale. I know this may be odd. I said "2" for the both of us. As we both going into protective mode-so some areas we don't go there. It really has to do with my son and her brother who died from the complications related to a suicide attempt over years ago.

My daughter sent me a message on Sunday night about her dad ( who is an alcoholic) " I know my Dad is drinking again. He keeps calling me and hate not to answer the phone, but he only calls me when he is drinking. I can't have this stress in my life. Her dad and I are divorced. I responded to her in a text " Thinking of you, I know this situation with your dad is heartbreaking, Watching him struggle is awful and okay to feel angry and sad about it.. I need to remind you and myself, that we cannot control his addiction. It is a disease, but we cannot help him until he is ready to help himself. Please make sure you are setting boundaries to protect your heart . You are not responsible for fixing this, I love you" She responded with a heart and said I love you, Mom.

Powerful discussion on this. I had a co-worker yesterday who was mad at me for not thinking of her in a situation. I responded , I apologize that was not my intention, I ask for your forgiveness. I realize had a heard this discussion on Empathy. I could have responded differently .