@Laura Harris First, we want to acknowledge the heaviness. You’ve done worthwhile work. When expectations are agreed upon but ignored, you aren't dealing with a communication problem; you may be dealing with a pattern of behavior. Here are three tips for dealing with resentment: - Move from "Requests" to "Boundaries": An expectation is something you ask of him. A boundary is what you will do to protect your own peace when that expectation isn't met. If he’s not following through, you have to decide how you will protect your heart from the fallout. Boundaries aren't about controlling him; they are about taking ownership of your own needs and/or safety. - Identify the "Replacement Behavior": Instead of focusing on what he isn't doing, get surgical about the "what to do." If gaslighting starts, the replacement behavior might be: "I am going to step out of this conversation until we can talk in a more collaborative way." - Audit the "Safe Room": You mentioned feeling ignored and invalidated. In our Boundaries Protocol, we talk about the "Bullseye": just You, God, and your Spouse. If that space doesn't feel safe, you need a "Safe Room" of trusted confidants, mentors, or counselors, who can support and advocate for you and your marriage. You shouldn't be carrying the weight of a failing agreement alone. Do any of these options resonate with you? Check the classroom tab. We have some resources available to you. If you need more support, please DM us.

@Tarissa Stone hang in there. Oftentimes, it is a longer process than we wish or think; especially if the difficult season has lasted awhile. We had years of unhealthy interactions. It took some hard boundaries and wise counsel for us to address the root cause and move forward.

@Laura Harris this is such a common and challenging spot to be in! It’s awesome that you are practicing the Time Out yourself, but it’s a whole different ballgame when you’re the one trying to help a 'flooded' spouse find the exit ramp. We call this building the 'Safe Harbor.' When one person is in fight-or-flight, their logic has left the building. Here are a few tips for your toolbox: You mentioned they often refuse a timeframe. The key to a successful Time Out is the Promise to Return. If they say 'now or never,' they may be speaking out of a fear of abandonment, being ignored, or avoiding the conversation by flipping the script so that you back out of the conversation. Try saying in the most respectful way possible: "Those are unreasonable terms, and I want to have a reasonable conversation with you because I love you. I believe we need a bit of time to reflect first." Alternative options could be, "I love you and this conversation is too important to do poorly. I’m starting to feel overwhelmed, so I’m going to step away for 20 minutes to get in a better headspace so I can listen to you the way you deserve. I will meet you back here at [Specific Time]." Book the 'Return' Appointment: If the issue 'never comes back up' until it explodes later, it means the return part of the protocol is breaking down. Ideally you make it a Ground Rule when you are both calm. One of the rules of engagement should be that the person who calls the Time Out is 100% responsible for initiating the 'Time In.' The 'Safety Check': Next time you’re in a calm spot, ask: 'What makes you feel safe when we disagree?' Use their answer to refine how you call for a pause. Sometimes a physical touch (if welcomed) or a reassurance like 'We are on the same team' can lower the heart rate enough to agree to that 20-minute break. Keep in mind the concept of boundaries.This can be woven into the process of Time Out. You’re doing the hard work of being the 'stabilizer' in the room. Keep leading with that calm, non-spiteful voice.