@Wendy Eveland Happy to have you with us!

@Damcy Lucy You are in the right place. Happy to have you in the community!

Laura, thank you for such incredible vulnerability an insight. You have perfectly identified how even worthwhile distractions, like reading and learning, can become a trap when we use them to numb the pain of disconnection or to try to control an outcome we fear. I (Mendy) remember that feeling so well. In fact, it's something I still have to fight continuously when things feel out of my control or are going in a direction I don't like. The fear of failure and the frantic need to "fix it" can be overwhelming. You are so right that this struggle creates a necessary pivot: to continually run to Christ, who is good, gracious, and omniscient. When Sean and I were in the absolute depths of our struggle, during the separation when I felt that same hopelessness you described, I remember God gently reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. He made it clear to me that He was continuing to pursue Sean, which meant I didn't have to carry that weight. I could actually rest in that. It wasn't easy but I am so glad I grew in that area...and still growing. I realized I needed to be like a horse with blinders on. I was not to look all around at the chaos or the "what ifs," but rather only look to Him to guide me. You are right to recognize that your identity must be firmly rooted in the "Bullseye", that sacred space between you and God. Trusting Him to help you be okay, no matter what happens, is the ultimate act of spiritual self-care. We are cheering you on as you keep your blinders on and look to Him.

@Karen Filipiak you are certainly in the trenches. You are on the right track though, God is the giver of true peace - even in the chaos of life.

@Wendy Eveland you are absolutely correct. We find that when we are trying to figure out what God would have us do, we ask God, listen, then do whatever it is we feel he is saying. This of course comes through prayer, reading the Bible, worship, and wise counsel.