Did you know that a high heart rate, particularly if it is caused by stress, can significantly impair your ability to process information and listen effectively? If you are in "fight or flight" mode, your frontal lobe (the logic part) shuts down. Continuing to argue in this state is useless. You are just throwing grenades.
The Tool: Call a Time Out. "I am flooded. I need 20 minutes to calm down. I will be back." (Crucial: You must promise to come back, or it may feel like abandonment).