There’s something I don’t think gets said enough in the nervous system regulation space. Neither by practitioners or experts. Even when you understand the nervous system, even when you have the tools… there are days where it still overrides you. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up already exhausted from deep crying the day before and with a deep knot in my gut. I had my usual Thursday bookings, so I told myself that going to work would make me feel better and so I pushed through. But the feeling only intensified. I’d also just heard that an aunt in Italy is in hospital, struggling with ongoing complications from her battle with cancer. That and other ‘Life challenges’ I’m facing, added up and sat heavy in my system, whether I wanted it to or not. I got ready as usual, fighting back tears, got in my car and started driving. “Get your shit together” I told myself over and over. But the pressure got stronger. It rose from my gut, into my chest and up to my throat. It felt like something needed to be spoken. I called my mum and as soon as I said it out loud, the floodgates opened. “Mum, I can’t do this. I have a feeling of dread”. I had to pull over. I was nowhere near my first client, barely a couple of kilometres away from home; and by now, my first booking was meant to start in a few minutes. I had to make the decision to cancel. Sending those text messages to my clients was really hard. Part of me felt relief once I’d done it. Part of me felt worse. Like I’d let my most important clients and myself down. Like I was unreliable. Like I was a failure. And the familiar thought came up: “how can I support others to regulate their nervous systems when mine is all over the place?” But my system had hit capacity. The old pattern would’ve been to push through, smile, perform, turn my attention outward to my clients and try to override what was happening. And it would’ve leaked out anyway. I’m lucky that I have a good relationship with my Thursday clients, who know me as a human being with struggles and problems and not as a clinical, impersonal practitioner.