One of the biggest topics that comes up in marriage is CONFLICT. It can feel scary, draining, and sometimes, hopeless. But what if conflict could actually be a doorway to deeper intimacy? We are going to be unpacking some of the core ideas from our Conflict Protocol to help you do just that. To start, what’s one word that describes how you typically feel when you know a disagreement is starting? (No judgment here!)

Let's look at a tool from our Conflict Protocol: "I" Statements vs. "You" Statements. "You always leave your stuff everywhere," invites defensiveness. "I feel stressed and anxious when the house is cluttered," invites understanding. "You never listen to me," is an attack. "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted," is a feeling. Your turn! How can you rephrase "You're always on your phone" into an "I" statement?

Let's talk about one of the most common patterns we see in relationships: The 4 D's. This is a framework that explains how couples can drift apart, and it all starts with the first D: Distraction. We define distraction as anything that draws our attention away from our relationship. This isn't just about phones. It can be your job, chores, kids' activities, or even an unexpected family crisis. The truth is, every relationship has distractions. The key is to recognize what they are. In our protocol, we break them down into four main categories: - 1. Necessary & Worthwhile: Things like work, raising children, and chores. - 2. Worthwhile but Discretionary: Good things you can have too much of, like hobbies or signing your kids up for every sport. - 3. Discretionary & Potentially Harmful: Things like endless TV, social media, or numbing out with alcohol. - 4. Unexpected & Inescapable: A health diagnosis, a death in the family, or financial hardship. The real danger is when we don't name these distractions. If left unacknowledged, they will quietly destroy the intimacy in your marriage. We can't afford to wait for life to magically slow down to address things—that day will never come. We have to be intentional. So, How Do We Recover From Distraction? The goal is simple: Reconnect as soon as possible after the disconnect happens. This doesn’t have to be a two-hour date night. Think smaller. Think "micro-reconnections." For example, on days when Sean has long workdays at his counseling practice and won't be home until late, we experience a disconnect. To bridge that gap, I might send him a silly GIF, and he usually responds with his own silly GIF. It's a small, simple way to start the reconnection process, even before he gets home. That tiny moment says, "I'm thinking of you" and stops the disconnect from growing into something bigger. Your turn: 1. Which category of distraction (1, 2, 3, or 4) is most present in your life right now? 2. What is one "micro-reconnection" you could try this week to bridge the gap?