Catastrophizing is the word we use to describe getting stuck in your head imagining horrible outcomes for the future that are probably not going to happen. While they feel very reasonable, real, and likely when you’re drowning in these negative fantasies, statistically they’re extremely unlikely. This is not the same as planning for possible setbacks. There is no real planning happening here, just imagining disastrous consequences, with no thought given to how you’d actually handle these possibilities and survive them. So you know you’re catastrophizing when you’re a) imagining terrible futures, b) focusing on least likely outcomes more than most likely, and c) you’re not planning how to successfully navigate these things if they do happen. Why does this happen? Catastrophizing is a kind of mental misfire; an error in your brain’s code. It’s the combination of anxiety with imagination and hyper-fixation on threats. From an early age, or following some significant trauma, you got into a habit of worrying about worst case scenarios. The simple fact of repeating this process also validates it and reinforces it, so that nowadays you catastrophize simply because you always catastrophize. You’re somewhat addicted to indulging these negative fantasies. This unhelpful and pointless process occurs because deep down you don’t trust yourself, and you don’t trust the universe. You don’t believe you can handle unexpected things going wrong, and you assume bad things are more likely to happen than good things. So you’re left worrying about bad things happening and not being able to handle them. Your brain seems to believe that imagining things going devastatingly wrong, over and over, will somehow protect you from them. And yet, you never actually problem-solve. You only imagine the outcome, never your response to it. So catastrophizing feels important and necessary, even unavoidable, and yet it provides no value. You just sit there worrying and panicking, and it does not lead to improvement in your skills, helpful problem-solving, or better reactions to setbacks.

I had kind of clocked myself with this , but it still was a bit of a revelation. I spend a lot of my time in research, trying to get enough knowledge to be ok. I realise I have "put off " life. I have put off action for study. I can look back and realise I was brought up by hippies, artists, and academics...abd the academia crowd were just as odd, but they had more self beleif and more money... maybe that's why I idealized books and degrees (I have a couple of degrees now, but still they didn't change my life much). What ever the cause, I can see i have done this put off, learn more, value academia highly, and not try action many times in my life. So realization of this pattern is good...and now I can use one strategy from my kit bag of knowing, and act ! .. One action to concretize from ideas. This week its to focus on 1 book, read it and act on something, and review it ... I'll see how I go.

Alright team, I'm bringing this back to see if it holds up. Comment below by calling your shot for this week: What healthy, value-based action do you commit to doing this week to improve your life?

I read this thismorning, and thought I'd share it in here.. We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings. It’s impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It’s good to care about other people and their feelings; it’s essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice. Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people’s feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it’s not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings. That’s okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves. Caring works. Caretaking doesn’t. We can learn to walk the line between the two. Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people’s feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for myself and others.

I recently found myself out of work. The Agency I work for stopped contacting me, and even responding to my calls and messages. This has left me in some real financial stress at a time when I was just breaking free from debt. I started to think the universe was trying to break me. Daft, right? Like the whole fucking Universe gives a damn about me. But that was how I have been feeling. What I feel is worse is that I am procrastinating on finding a new job. I would be thinking about what to do, finding some pathways and saying " I'll do it later". Then I realised that I have spent my whole life ( I'm memory) doing this. I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it when I get paid etc etc. Now, even though I have become aware of this, breaking free from this is stupidly hard. Even with advice and techniques to help, I find myself not doing anything and suddenly finding it's dark or past a deadline and I feel a sense of failure. It is INFURIATING!!