Hey guys, here's the recording from today's Brotherhood session. Today we went deep with Ben about why he's losing motivation with approaching strangers even though he's seeing progress and it aligns with his values https://www.skool.com/brojo-brotherhood-2147/classroom/69942c19?md=655ea883eed94813b0156df79ed7e1f3 Enjoy!

There are 3 general levels I’ve identified on the self-confidence spectrum: Insecure, Coping, and Secure. Insecure is where you’re unable to take value-based actions because you’re either too afraid or you’re unaware that you lack confidence. Coping is where you have some awareness, and you try to push through your insecurities with new behaviours, setting goals and disciplining yourself to follow strict rules. And Secure is where you behave healthy in a way that doesn’t feel like trying (in the way Coping does), and is based on nuanced in-the-moment decisions related to your core values. A common issue I see is people mistaking Coping for Secure. Coping is where you’ve found a way to paper-over, push through, or otherwise circumvent your insecurities, but ultimately you are still ruled by them. Confidence is where the insecurities no longer hold any sway over your decisions, even if they still exist in your mind. The best way to demonstrate this is with clear examples. When someone is Insecure, they’re worried about what their parents think of them, to the point where they just do as they’re told. As Coping for this, they might try to prove their parents wrong and rebel against them, i.e. "The best revenge is massive success" (Frank Sinatra). Notice how this rebellion still stems directly from caring what the parents think. A Secure person would not factor in how the parents react at all, neither trying to win their love nor prove them wrong, i.e. "The best revenge is to not be like them" (Marcus Aurelius). An Insecure person might be too scared to go for a promotion at work but feel pressured to go for it because that’s what they’re supposed to want. As Coping, they might push themselves to “fake it til you make it” and put on a confident performance at the job interview to get the promotion. A Secure person would just be honest in the job interview, and may not even feel the need to get promoted unless it was an act of integrity to apply for the job.

Time for something fun: the "would you rather...?" game! 😁🤔 I'll start us off with a tough one: Would you rather ask out a complete stranger? OR Stand up to a bully who's been bothering you for years? Looking forward to your questions and answers! 👍😎

I read this thismorning, and thought I'd share it in here.. We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings. It’s impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It’s good to care about other people and their feelings; it’s essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice. Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people’s feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it’s not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings. That’s okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves. Caring works. Caretaking doesn’t. We can learn to walk the line between the two. Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people’s feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for myself and others.

Congrats to @Tyler Scott for winning a free 1:1 coaching session (worth $650) for being the most active member in Brojo over the last 7 days. Thanks to all of you who contributed to this group and gave us something interesting and helpful to read. Let's keep it up! Cheers Dan