I had a really interesting realization today during Chinese class that felt directly connected to the course. I noticed how much of my “personality” — especially humor — is actually built on survival mechanisms. People were joking around, everyone was laughing, and I felt this spike of neediness in my body. An urge to jump in, add to the joke, be witty — not because I genuinely wanted to, but because I was afraid of disappearing. Afraid of not being seen or included. It hit me that my humor isn’t about expressing joy — it’s about securing attention and approval. It’s value-taking, not value-giving. When I questioned that, I saw the core belief underneath: “If I don’t do something — if I’m not funny, interesting, or active — I won’t be liked. I can’t just be. I need to earn love.” And everything around that is fear. As I stayed with it, my body went straight into freeze: chest tight, belly tight, facial tension. Same exact sensation I’ve noticed during approaches when I introduce longer pauses or stillness. The moment I stay present and stop compensating, the body reacts as if I’m about to get hurt — and instinct completely disappears under that fear response. So my question is about what to do with that layer. Is the work simply continued exposure — staying present inside the fear long enough for the nervous system to rewire and realize nothing bad happens? Or is there something deeper that needs to be consciously released — a belief, an attachment to identity, a need for approval — before presence can feel natural and embodied again? When I stay present and let the fear be there, I can observe it — but I also feel flat, frozen, disconnected from instinct and aliveness. It freaks girls out when I just stand there looking at them its too intense. So I’m curious where the focus should go at this stage: – staying with sensation until it resolves – gradually increasing stillness and pauses in interactions – or letting go of the need to “fix” the fear altogether I’d really appreciate clarification on what the next step is here, because this feels like I’ve hit the core of the pattern — but I want to integrate it correctly rather than turn presence into another forced technique.

I recently picked up meditation again, and combined with the awareness we talk about here, I’ve made quite a bit of progress in my social life. I’m super aware of the fear when it comes up. I don’t do that many approaches - it’s not my main focus - but my social interactions have drastically improved just from noticing. It’s honestly crazy. It’s hard to describe, but conversations just seem to flow so much better. You know that awkward feeling you can get when you’re three people in a room and one leaves? I felt that today. And the simple fact that I noticed it made it almost go away. I instantly felt my head “clear up,” and I was able to crack a joke. I also caught myself striking up a conversation with a guy working in a shop - it just came naturally. I didn’t even think about it. Right now I’m writing this in a board game café. I felt a bit bored today, so I decided to go out. I’d heard they host some events, so I wanted to go there in person and ask them. On my way there, I felt this sudden sensation - fear. They’re probably busy. Will they think I’m weird for asking? You guys know the usual. But I noticed it, and that made it manageable. I was able to ground myself pretty easily. I went in, and it turned out they were great, and we ended up chatting a bit.

The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle

Hello all, I am still in the process of making the video course a bit more practical and give a bit more context etc. How are you guys getting on with it? Really its designed for you to not be thinking so much, I will go into more meditative practices and talk more about attachment to self etc which once you drop, then interacting with whoever you want will be a lot smoother. Joe

There’s a quiet but critical distortion in how most people experience effort. Work itself is neutral. But we don’t just do work. We psychologically experience work through time, identity, and meaning. So instead of: “I am typing.” It becomes: “I have 5 more hours of this.” “This is my life now.” “If I don’t do this well, I’m falling behind.” “When this is over, then I can relax.” Now the nervous system is not just doing a task. It is holding: Future dread Identity pressure Outcome fear Escape fantasy All simultaneously. That’s the real grind. Why Long Hours Only Feel Long In Psychological Time Clock time is simple. But psychological time is layered. Psychological time is, Imagining future effort while still in present effort Mentally dragging the end of the task into the beginning Measuring suffering against imagined relief When you think: “I have 6 hours left” Your brain doesn’t experience that as information. It experiences it as 6 hours of suffering, compressed into the present moment. So you’re not working one hour. You’re emotionally carrying six. This sits in the background of the mind like open tabs: Low-grade tension Constant checking Subtle resistance Low-level dread This is why people feel tired before they are physically tired. The Background Weight Most People Never Notice The mind is constantly calculating: How long How hard How meaningful How risky How this affects who I am What happens if I fail When do I get relief This is the invisible load. And because it’s invisible, people assume.. “This is just what work feels like.” But it isn’t. It’s what work plus psychological narrative feels like. The Cultural Story That Reinforces This Most people grew up absorbing messages like: Nothing worthwhile is easy You must suffer first, then you deserve results If it feels light, you’re doing it wrong If you’re not exhausted, you didn’t try hard enough So people learn to distrust ease. They equate tension with seriousness.