I had a really interesting realization today during Chinese class that felt directly connected to the course. I noticed how much of my “personality” — especially humor — is actually built on survival mechanisms. People were joking around, everyone was laughing, and I felt this spike of neediness in my body. An urge to jump in, add to the joke, be witty — not because I genuinely wanted to, but because I was afraid of disappearing. Afraid of not being seen or included. It hit me that my humor isn’t about expressing joy — it’s about securing attention and approval. It’s value-taking, not value-giving. When I questioned that, I saw the core belief underneath: “If I don’t do something — if I’m not funny, interesting, or active — I won’t be liked. I can’t just be. I need to earn love.” And everything around that is fear. As I stayed with it, my body went straight into freeze: chest tight, belly tight, facial tension. Same exact sensation I’ve noticed during approaches when I introduce longer pauses or stillness. The moment I stay present and stop compensating, the body reacts as if I’m about to get hurt — and instinct completely disappears under that fear response. So my question is about what to do with that layer. Is the work simply continued exposure — staying present inside the fear long enough for the nervous system to rewire and realize nothing bad happens? Or is there something deeper that needs to be consciously released — a belief, an attachment to identity, a need for approval — before presence can feel natural and embodied again? When I stay present and let the fear be there, I can observe it — but I also feel flat, frozen, disconnected from instinct and aliveness. It freaks girls out when I just stand there looking at them its too intense. So I’m curious where the focus should go at this stage: – staying with sensation until it resolves – gradually increasing stillness and pauses in interactions – or letting go of the need to “fix” the fear altogether I’d really appreciate clarification on what the next step is here, because this feels like I’ve hit the core of the pattern — but I want to integrate it correctly rather than turn presence into another forced technique.

There’s a quiet but critical distortion in how most people experience effort. Work itself is neutral. But we don’t just do work. We psychologically experience work through time, identity, and meaning. So instead of: “I am typing.” It becomes: “I have 5 more hours of this.” “This is my life now.” “If I don’t do this well, I’m falling behind.” “When this is over, then I can relax.” Now the nervous system is not just doing a task. It is holding: Future dread Identity pressure Outcome fear Escape fantasy All simultaneously. That’s the real grind. Why Long Hours Only Feel Long In Psychological Time Clock time is simple. But psychological time is layered. Psychological time is, Imagining future effort while still in present effort Mentally dragging the end of the task into the beginning Measuring suffering against imagined relief When you think: “I have 6 hours left” Your brain doesn’t experience that as information. It experiences it as 6 hours of suffering, compressed into the present moment. So you’re not working one hour. You’re emotionally carrying six. This sits in the background of the mind like open tabs: Low-grade tension Constant checking Subtle resistance Low-level dread This is why people feel tired before they are physically tired. The Background Weight Most People Never Notice The mind is constantly calculating: How long How hard How meaningful How risky How this affects who I am What happens if I fail When do I get relief This is the invisible load. And because it’s invisible, people assume.. “This is just what work feels like.” But it isn’t. It’s what work plus psychological narrative feels like. The Cultural Story That Reinforces This Most people grew up absorbing messages like: Nothing worthwhile is easy You must suffer first, then you deserve results If it feels light, you’re doing it wrong If you’re not exhausted, you didn’t try hard enough So people learn to distrust ease. They equate tension with seriousness.

@Trouble Maker welcome to the group. Great to have you on this journey. Looking forward to catching up with you properly in the group calls. Go to classroom to access the courses, I will continue to add to them as the weeks go on.

I had a realisation the other day - just how much mental colouring still affects my everyday life. And more than that… how much energy it consumes. I work construction in Denmark. I’m the foreman on a small site, and we’ve got a little trailer where we eat and take breaks. I’ve got a rule: shoes off inside. Keeps it clean. A while back, my boss came by. Good guy. But he walks straight in with shoes on. Oh no. So I tell him - politely - shoes off. He pushes back a little: “It’ll just be a minute.” I go, “Exactly. Then you’ll have them back on in a minute.” He laughs, takes them off. All good. A few days later, my boss and the site manager go into the trailer for a meeting. I’m outside working. And then the thought hits me: What if they’re wearing shoes? And suddenly my mind just… takes off. “They don’t respect my rules.” “He never liked the rule to begin with.” “If they want me to meet on time, they can take off their damn shoes.” Adrenaline. Tight chest. Fully ready to go in there and “be firm” - respectfully, of course. So I build it up. Big deep breath. Walk to the door. Open it. And there they are. Sitting. Talking. Shoes in the hallway. … I felt like a complete idiot. And what hit me wasn’t just that I was wrong - but how real it all felt in my body. The tension, the story, the anger. I was legit fired up for 20 minutes over absolutely nothing. Still kind of amazed how far the mind can run… without checking if the race even exists.

Hello all, I am still in the process of making the video course a bit more practical and give a bit more context etc. How are you guys getting on with it? Really its designed for you to not be thinking so much, I will go into more meditative practices and talk more about attachment to self etc which once you drop, then interacting with whoever you want will be a lot smoother. Joe