Is there a more negative and destructive phrase that has ever been spoken. On the face of it, it sounds benine and neutral. Infact if you hear anyone use this, run far and fast away. In actual fact this is a phrase that really means "I don't care and never will". It represents a total disregard for the subject at hand and dismisses it as irrelevant. It supports a total lack of effort to even try and to accept whatever it is without examination. Of late I have heard this in two conversations and when examined it tends to come from those with a negative world view. So I run and exit the conversation as I have no room for this in my life. It most certainly isn't what it is, it needs a mind and effort. Beware!

I've been off the Radar for a couple of weeks. Some of you know, I was training for the Dubai Marathon. Well, I'm pleased to report. I did it, finished it and I'm back home. Mentally, it was extremely tough. From 30km I recalled a post I shared with Steve Bennet and Gary Elston which said 'You Must Tell Yourself, No matter how hard it gets, I am going to make it' I ran this through my head time and time again. Although I was disappointed with my time, I finished.. It's now a week later (today), and the memory of the Marathon has almost faded, the finishing high has gone. This is exactly how Johnny Wilkinson described the 24hrs after winning the Rugby World Cup. It's such a weird feeling, 33 Weeks of training and boom, it's gone.

Right… I’m gonna be straight with you. Recently I had to face something from my past. The sort of situation that years ago would’ve sent me straight back into anger, defensiveness, and survival mode before it had even started. Old me would’ve walked in looking for a fight. Not always physically… but mentally, emotionally… ready to bite back, ready to protect myself, ready for it to go wrong. But this time… I walked in calm. No chest tightening.No scanning the room.No planning exit routes in my head like I used to. Just walked in, listened, had the conversation, and walked out knowing one thing… I’m not that bloke anymore. And that hit me hard on the drive home. Because there was a time in my life where anger felt like armour. It felt like protection. It got me through some dark shit… and if I’m honest, it probably kept me standing when I didn’t have much else. But it also controlled me.It made decisions for me.It made everything look like a threat. And facing this situation showed me something massive… You don’t delete the man you used to be.You don’t pretend he never existed. You respect him… because he got you through the storms. But he doesn’t get to drive anymore. These days that version of me is still there… still strong… still capable… He’s just the bodyguard now. Not the boss. I’m grateful to the man I was…But I’m fully committed to the man I’m becoming. And lads… that version isn’t perfect. He’s not finished. But he’s calmer, stronger, and doesn’t quit on himself when life gets heavy. If you’re battling stuff from your past right now, hear this… You are NOT stuck with who you were. You’re allowed to outgrow it.You’re allowed to rebuild.You’re allowed to become dangerous in the right ways… disciplined… controlled… steady. And the day you realise you handled something differently than the old you would’ve… That’s a powerful moment. Keep doing the work. It’s worth it.

Who's coming to the coffee morning tomorrow?

After working shifts for most of my working life. I thought I had put night shifts behind me. But here i am working nights for two week. I have had to pretty much swap my body clock around so tonight I was in the Gym at 4pm instead of 8am, I have tried to stick to a normal ish diet too. There is positive from this is , I have been able to clear all my shit, Marking Workbooks, Clearing all the crap on my phone, Sorting all my email boxes. Preping some courses, and submitted some quotes. and planning for the year ahead. All this has done undisturbed. whilst still managing to get my 10,000 steps in ( its been a bit chilly at 2-4 am even here in Cyprus). My next task, Is to revisit the book I started when my late wife was going through her cancer before sadly loosing her life. Being here on nights I can revisit the book without having to justify it to my new family.