I found a quote that I like: "...this sense that in spite of everything which of course is, I suppose, the ultimate mystical conviction, in spite of pain, in spite of death, in spite of horror, the universe in some mysterious sense is all right, capital A capital R..." - Aldous Huxley I've yet to take the action I need to take (getting in touch with estranged NA sponsor, possibly finding a new one, getting back into stepwork), but I'm slowly becoming more willing to believe that I will feel a greater sense of freedom once I finally do it. Baby baby steps. 110 days nicotine-free today.