I want to recognise one of my clients, Andy, who has absolutely crushed it over the last year. Since we started working together, Andy has: - learned to confront his workmates to protect himself from their toxic behaviours, and no longer cares about other peoples' negative opinions and judgments - trained for and completed his first triathlon (and is now training for Iron Man) - ended an unhealthy long-term friendship despite pressure from family to continue - pulled the trigger and started a new business that he was procrastinating on for years - organised an overseas trip to face fears of new/different All of these things were significant acts of courage, facing and overcoming deeply conditioned social fears and crippling limiting beliefs. Andy challenged his thought patterns, broke the goals down into tiny parts to reduce overwhelm, and completed the often challenging homework tasks to change his mindset. His son now has a role-model I'd be happy to recommend to others. He's earned it the hard way. I'm blessed to be a in a position where my clients impress me on a regular basis, I get to watch the hero's journey play out in real life.

Generally, the scientific consensus is that confident people score high in empathy; or more accurately, they do not correlate with low empathy. While people in positions of power, or narcissists, have low empathy and yet may also experience feelings of confidence, their idea of “confidence” is - in my opinion - a fragile pseudo-confidence that’s easily shattered by external factors. It's more like arrogance, certainty, and competence. However, I do have a hypothesis that building true self-confidence reduces a certain element of empathy, namely: the emotional sympathy and “caring” reaction. In other words, you care less in that you don't feel others' pain as much. Confident people don’t “care” as much emotionally as low-confidence people do. They’re not as attached to external things and people, yet they are still able to demonstrate cognitive empathy, i.e. they can rationalise other peoples’ behaviour through mentally putting themselves in the other person’s shoes. They don’t get upset about other people being upset, yet are able to comprehend why they’re upset and how they must feel. I noticed this with my own development, particularly during my time as a Probation Officer. In that job, there simply isn’t the mental room and resources available to become upset over every upsetting thing, because there’s too many of them! When you deal with drug addicts and rapists and gang members every day, “upsetting” becomes mundane. You develop a numbness to the horror and sadness. I imagine it’s similar for military and medical staff. You can’t feel much because you simply wouldn’t be able to do your job. You’re also in a type of work that requires the development of self-confident traits, like decisiveness, assertiveness, courage, backing yourself, leadership, and even a touch or more of ruthlessness. It doesn’t remove your empathy, but it does transform it into something more efficient and practical. I’ve known some highly empathetic people - in the emotional sense - and they quite simply struggle to function on a daily basis. They’re the ones who are devastated by the wars they see on the news, and are constantly wrapped up in the social dramas of their friends. If their parents are sick, an empath won’t be able to sleep for the worrying. If their child loses his favourite toy, the overly empathetic parent will grieve more than the kid does.

Anger has a crucial role in human survival. It serves as an override for fear, providing a fighting chance in challenging situations. Learn how anger can be a purposeful emotional state.

Hey guys, A few years ago, inspired by Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations", I wrote a book of short Lessons I've picked up from my time as a coach and running Brojo. If you'd like a copy of this book, type "Lessons" into the comments below and I'll DM it to you Cheers Dan

Hey guys, Ari here. I’m 6 months along from my wife of 9 years (together 13) leaving me. At first I was kinda buzzed by the liberation, she’s definitely alpha female, and kid sharing week on/off was great to get some headspace and focus on whatever I needed to do for myself. In our marriage, I always felt like I was support crew to her mission and neglected my own. Lately I’ve realised I’ve possibly lost the greatest human I know.. So I’m here to help figure out my fuckups/ grow / have more confidence/ learn to communicate better… all the things.. 😅 I actually feel she’d be open to reuniting if she could tell I was putting in the work So that's what I’m here for. I’ve been loving the videos Dan. Really insightful and helpful. Thanks.