I allow myself to feel that we are collectively connected and I am grateful for our encounter and my efforts to break out of these limitations. "efforts" fits perfectly here. I'm just starting to feel inner harmony, authenticity and joy. I was constantly putting something in the way of this and it was the part of me that was anticipating future events and fearful of experiencing myself. Virtually everything I did was dictated by the illusion of separation and inadequacy, so it couldn't work. To complement the practice of Ho'oponopono meditation, breathing meditation and I created my own rituals. Of course, the resistance I was generating was causing me, and I felt there was a reason for it, not only the identity I had built and maintained around it, but there was a part of it that was observing the whole effort with compassion for my experience. You know what I mean? Of course, the ego-related level of consciousness that lifted the dumbbells. I was putting myself in a position of insufficiency and living in a way that didn't allow me to be myself. I was a perfectionist and focused on the opinions of others. I was educating myself, but still from the point of view of sabotage as confirmation that something was wrong with me and needed to be changed. I have many, many memories about this, which are now starting to come back to me with all the emotions I couldn't express and became resistance and anger. Of course, I directed it against myself in various forms of sabotage in relationships and social relations. Of course, I attracted other people who showed me how far such resistance can go, and this is how I met Sensei. It was an equally traumatic experience at the level of the individual, the person and my feelings. Fortunately, this relationship was interrupted, but I remember one day when we were standing together in the temple and I asked the question: When! In such an environment, when can I tell myself that I'm okay?! That's when I realized it and watched the mature man change, and his eyes said it all, even though we didn't even say a word after that... something snapped in that moment, and I started to realize that all I wanted was acceptance, just as much as he did. From this human level to the level of my encounters with people I was lucky enough to meet, I find a place of our connection. Certainly this human experience is part of the picture, but now I am beginning to >>>>>> integrate Consciousness <<<<< into what it means to be human and experience this world collectively.