I am going through some tough stuff … I’ve felt worn from needing support or comfort, and it not landing in my support circle. When I am low, this adds more grief on top of what I’m facing. And it can be more disregulating. I have adjusted my expectations and I’m already quite careful about when or how often I reach out. Even with that, I feel processing is seen as me being stuck and faith or hopeless and the spiritual bypassing is real: “Just trust Him.” “You’re speaking death.” “You’re cursing yourself.” “Are you spiralling?” It’s not that I’m chasing human comfort alone. He has been so near — carrying me through grief, growth, all my lamenting, and hurt when I feel alone … really I’m OK if that’s where he has me. Still…as we know We’re created to share burdens, to lift one another up, to be real. Connection is important. I know they’re offering what they know. I don’t feel upset. Though I could use comfort and connection, I am tired and don’t( at the moment) have the capacity to teach or be put off by that as I’m processing these other things. So for now, I’ve stopped reaching out. If asked, I answer honestly ish—but save the real stuff for Jesus.. His comfort is the best …and at the same time I want to be discerning, Is this : Consecration — being led into the wilderness where He can speak tenderly to me. Stewardship— resource management and wisdom to be careful of when, how, and with whom to share. Or is it Isolation — withdrawing to protect my heart? And maybe I should keep trying.. How do I know, am I self-protecting or answering His call to come away?

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“The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ’s words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism—for that is what the words ‘one flesh’ would be in modern English. And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact—just as one is stating a fact when one says that a lock and its key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument.”

I’m sorry you’ve been taught that you can solve ALL your marriage challenges if you could just communicate better. – Communicate better, and everything will be solved only causes discouragement and false hope. This isn’t how it should be. Your marriage should be about discovering which problems are actually solvable, and learning how to compromise in a healthy way while understanding the wounds underneath each other’s needs. I’m on a mission to spread the word about what it really takes to build an emotionally skilled marriage. Have you heard? I created The Emotionally Skilled Marriage — a premium course designed to help you finally see clearly which challenges can truly be fixed, and how to move forward with the other 2/3rds that can’t. We start October 27th, and seats are limited. If you’re ready for a marriage rooted in clarity, compassion, and real solutions, now is the time to step in. Join The Emotionally Skilled Marriage Today ⬅️

When Nehemiah (comforter) arrived in Jerusalem to rebuild the walls, the first thing he did was survey the walls and assess the problem. In the same way, the work of the Holy Spirit (our Comforter) puts us in touch with our brokenness. Many believers however (in the name of "faith"), refuse to face their problems head-on. They often say things like they are believing God for a miracle and therefore focusing on His Word, not their troubles. Obviously this can be a powerful spiritual strategy once we've seen what the problem is, but too often it is an attempt to avoid the problem. Denial. Anytime we cannot look at our challenges without getting discouraged, we are living in denial, not faith. An example I heard yesterday: a mom received a prophetic word about her daughter being an actress (the best in the world), so her daughter signed up for acting school. Part way through, the mom attempted to get her daughter out of the school (she was afraid the school would take her daughter away from God). Interestingly, the daughter is not at all a good actress, because she struggles to be authentic (and authenticity is necessary to act like someone else). The mom uses the word to avoid true growth in her daughter. Another example: a couple knows they are called to display Jesus and His bride to the world through their marriage, so they hold onto that, declare it, and pray it, but don't actually look at the places of conflict where they are displaying something else. They use the word to avoid true growth. Denial of problems is the fruit of fear, not the root of faith. True faith can evaluate the circumstances honestly without growing hopeless because it can see both the problem and the promise at the same time. It's like going to the doctor but not telling him all the symptoms. If the doctor doesn't know what's really happening, he can't diagnose, nor treat the issues properly. He is disempowered to heal because the patient isn't honest about what's really going on.